Book Review: The Dark Holds No Terror

A Book is a journey. The process is important, and not the end! It takes you to a different world, a different myriad of emotions unfold; and you are left with the feeling that it was not a mere book after all, but an experience for a lifetime. Perhaps for this reason only, every voracious reader would vouch for the experience and importance of books. In fact, it is a blessing that we have something called books, which gives us pseudo-understanding of situations and experiences. But all these things hold true only for good books. As also I recollect from somewhere that when you read a book, and if you do not like it, it motivates you to write something worthwhile, which would improve the value of the book. But personally, when I read a good book, it motivates me to write something as good, and as true to us. It is a characteristic of a good writer that when a reader reads it, he would feel one with the characters. The characters would be real, who think like us and feel like us. Additionally, a writer’s work is complete when a reader reads it. That is when the process gets completed.
Coming back to the book, a book can give you the joys of achievement, the anguish of failures, the pain of unending struggle, the longing of love, the pleasure of companionship, and every colour of life.

Selection of Book

I have been a reader (would not say a voracious reader), all of my life as far as I remember. I started reading novels from the time I was in Class 6. I started with Famous Five series, Hardy Boys’ series, Nancy Drew series, St. Anne’s series, and the likes; then I moved to Agatha Christie, then to Sidney Sheldon and meanwhile I was heavily into Mills & Boon series (read more than 100). But in the last two years, I experimented a lot of other authors because I suddenly realized that I am still an illiterate as far as literature is concerned. It is almost unlimited. In fact, the whole life is also not enough to read all of the literature of my interest only, leave all of them! So from that time, I am on a pursuit to read as much as I can. Some people say that Sidney Sheldon, etc, is totally crap. But I think that all of them definitely say something—either about the characters, the context, or at least about the writer. So in the last two years, I read Shashi Deshpande, John Grisham, Arthur Hailey, Jhumpa Lahiri, Robin Cook, Anurag Mathur, Sandipan Deb, and am yet to read Khushwant Singh, Gurucharan Das, Shashi Tharoor, Vikram Seth, V.S. Naipaul, and the list can just go on.
So when I chanced upon Shashi Deshopande’s novels in my library, I tried The Binding Vine. I found it awesome. Then I read Intrusion and Other Stories; it was remarkable. Then I read The Dark Holds No Terror. I look forward to opportunity to read her other books.
When it came to writing a review and the reflections of Indian Society in any book, the obvious choice had to be one of the books by Shashi Deshpande.

About the Author

Shashi Deshpande, daughter of the renowned Kannada dramatist and Sanskrit scholar Shriranga, was born in Dharwad. At the age of fifteen she went to Mumbai, graduated in economics, then moved to Bangalore, where she gained a degree in law. Her writing career began in earnest only in 1970, initially with short stories, of which several volumes have been published. She is the author of four children's books and seven previous novels, the best known of which are 'The Dark Holds No Terror', 'That Long Silence', which won the Sahitya Akademi award, and 'Small Remedies'.
The best thing about her is that her characters are real and alive. They are not cut boards in black and white; they are grey characters that behave differently in different situations. She creates a world of characters and situations that are identifiable, and experience emotions that are at once complex and cathartic. There is so much detailing in her novels that you cannot but feel the joy and pathos of the characters inside you. They appear as mere description of your own feelings. She leaves back such imprints on the mind of her readers that they cannot let go the experience for a long long time.
Her books are about families, real families, the bondages, the bindings and the confinements of relationships. She has been quietly writing for the last thirty years, without fanfare, without ceremony, about the human predicament, playing out the lives of ordinary people who we might encounter on the streets, bringing into sharp focus the meaning of life itself. She started her literary career in England by writing short pieces on her stay there, moved on to writing short stories, which were published in leading Indian magazines. In 1978, The Legacy, the first collection of short stories was published in India. Since then, she has brought out four other collections of short stories, has written six novels, two crime novels, and four books for children. Her work has been translated into various Indian and European languages.
Whether she writes short stories or novels, Deshpande writes mainly about "everyday India, a society in which we breathe, a culture to which we belong. Her major concerns emerge from our own environment, from our immediate world, holding up mirrors to our own lives

Introduction
The central character of this novel is Sarita, and most of the issues she has, is related to the patriarchical society. Thus we might tend to believe that The Dark Holds No Terrors is a feminist novel. But this is not a story of an oppressed woman, or abusive marriage or monstrous men - the usual fare of feminist agenda among Indian writers! There are places where she takes a few digs at the patriarchy but it is essentially about a human being who has suffered terribly all her life and then finds the courage to take control of her life. She tries to analyse her life, what she has and what she has not, the experiences from the past, which haunt her, her current predicament. Thus essentially, this novel is about an individual and her dilemmas. She gets an upbringing typical of that time—the importance given to male child, the reminders of her identity as a girl, importance given to people placed at high places in the society (for example, doctors), sanctity of marriage as an institution, etc. All these experiences make the person she becomes eventually—as all of us do!
'The Dark Holds No Terrors' is a very intense book. The book is full of sentences which one would remember for a long time, which one would love to quote many times.

Analysis

Shashi Deshpande’s The Dark Holds No Terrors is so strikingly real; you need to touch it, to feel it. It is the story of you, I, some friend or just anybody from the faceless crowd. It dwells into the human predicament, playing out the lives of ordinary people who we might encounter on the streets, bringing into sharp focus the meaning of life itself. There is intense interiority in this novel, and the use of the first person by the writer, for her female protagonist weave a web of intimacy around the reader, an effect that is enhanced by her near total focus on the domestic - the almost mundane. It is so easy to lose one’s own identity to the protagonist’s.
This is the story of Saru who feels like a trapped animal, trapped by her own guilty feelings. The story that unfolds is the guilt she bears for her brother Dhruva's death, along with guilt of abandoning her parents, guilt about her mother's death which she learns about accidentally, which in turn permeates her entire life, her feelings about herself, her career as a physician, her marriage, her feelings towards her husband Manu and the kids. Throughout her life she remains trapped by her need to succeed at any cost. By the prize she has paid to succeed in life. By the reason behind her ambition to succeed. By her need to find somebody who would care for her. The futility of her search becomes obvious to her when she hears what her mother had commented on listening to the end of the war in Mahabharata. The mother had said, on listening to how Dhuryodhana leaves the battlefield and goes into a lake waiting for the Pandavas to come and kill him, "… that's what all of us have to face at the end. That we are alone. We have to be alone."
This kind of utter loneliness a human being faces in life stands at the core of 'The Dark Holds no Terrors.' Saru is lonely because she has not received any love all through her life. As a child, as a young girl, she felt rejected by her mother, who preferred Dhruva, her younger brother. She felt rightly that her mother blamed her for the death of Dhruva, who died by drowning when he was just seven. Everyone has failed her. She lived her life with the guilt, which was inflicted on her not by her on conscience, but her mother. Later when she begins to think that she had found someone in Manu, who would cherish her forever; she goes through traumatic experience when he rapes her. Suddenly, she is alone again.
Perhaps it is not the story only of Saru; most of the women live their lives in loneliness, in one form or the other.
At one point of time, the writer writes about women… “ going on with their tasks, and destroying themselves in the bargain, for nothing but a meaningless modesty” Womanhood has always been made a source of great shame. There is promiscuity in the affairs of a girl. She is made ashamed of her body and she ends up hating oneself, for no reason or fault of hers. Obviously, this does wonders to her self-image!
This leads me to one of my own experiences with one of my relatives. She is my mother’s sister-in-law. She has 6 sisters in her family, and adding her, they are 7 sisters. Thus she did not have much affinity towards a girl. Her first child has been a girl, but after the second child, a boy, came; she started abusing her daughter by saying several things to her. Her daughter was a premature baby and extremely weak, who had to be kept in an incubator in the hospital for 6 months. Thus she is weak by birth and hence not too bright in her studies. Instead of motivating her to do well in her studies, my aunt keeps harping to her that—you are dumb. You cannot do anything in life. You are totally useless. You do not have way of doing things. Day by day her academic performance is deteriorating. Initially she was with the best Convent school in her town, but when she failed, my uncle admitted her to some other English medium school; and with promotion to the higher class. She failed again; he transferred her to a Hindi medium school, and again with promotion. Obviously she is doing worse in her studies, and it is understandable that this would not improve. I really feel that if a mother cannot empathise with her own child then who would the child turns to? Was it her fault that she was a weak baby? Was it her fault that she was born to a mother who already had 6 sisters? To top it all, the future of this girl is quite apparent. She would be married off as soon as she does her graduation, if at all she does it. Then she would spend the rest of her life with that low self-esteem, a sense of incapability and incompetence. Why women are so alone whatever role they are in? Everyone says and signs off that it is very difficult to understand women, and that nobody can. And she remains lonely.
The illogical and absurd traditions, ironically followed by women, are bondages on her growth as an individual—pain, sufferings and compromises—the great essence of woman. She has just remained a ‘thing’ to be passed on from parents to husband.
Even in the novel, all through her life one passion rules Saru's actions, to show her mother, to make her realise that she is also a person, a living and breathing person, a person with her own will, ambitions, and rights; to succeed in life is to be the panacea for Saru's maladies. The only way for her to avoid being bothered by her mother's words, "Why didn't you die? Why are you alive and he (Dhruva) dead?" Years on, Sarita still remembers her mother's bitter words uttered when as a little girl she was unable to save her younger brother from drowning. Now her mother is dead and Sarita returns to the family home, ostensibly to take care of her father, but in reality to escape the nightmarish brutality her husband inflicts on her every night.
To 'show her mother, to make her realise', Saru works hard as a student. Only her school and her books exist for her. It is like revenge against her mother because she makes her believe that it was she who let her brother die. Her mother trivializes her being by saying that she should have died instead of her brother, as if her life did not have any meaning. Just like happens in households. Men always have a superior position in Indian household. All of us must have seen at least once in our lives how women of the house serve the food first to the men. In those houses where the means are limited, even there, the women are supposed to live in scarcity; the men most of the times get what they want. Why men are considered superior to women? Why this inequality?
Saru’s life is unconsciously oriented towards proving something to her mother. Her burning ambition to study medicine is rewarded when she gets a first class in the finals at the school. That is the one time her father supports her, against her mother. Saru moves to Bombay, joins medicine, meets once again Manohar whom she had known long ago as a dashing young poet, the heartthrob of most of the college females. This meeting culminates in the two of them falling in love. Marriage follows soon. Against the wishes of Saru's parents. During the time they spend in a chawl with a toilet they had to share with others, she tells herself "…if there is a heaven on earth it is this…" It is the only time in her life that Saru experiences what it means to be wanted, needed, loved, and to love without any kind of reserve.
But soon Saru's confidence in Manu's literary capabilities evaporates. To succeed professionally is the one goal of her life, and she does not allow any sort of scruple to come in the way. Saru has no respect left for Manu who does not question her ways but takes revenge on her by behaving sadistically towards her in the nights, turning the darkness, once more, in a terrifying experience. She says,”… the esteem with which I was surrounded made me inches taller. But perhaps, the same thing that made me inches taller, made him inches shorter”.
Saru explains her predicament gruesomely. “The hands continued their quest for new areas of pain. Now the horror of what was happening to me was lost in a fierce desire to end it. I could not, would not, bear it.” To think of it, they had a love marriage but the perhaps the idea of success is nice, not a successful wife! Her husband actually rapes her every night to show his contempt towards her. She is stuck in a marriage where things have turned sour. She had taken up every opportunity to stand against her mother—be it education or be it marriage—so standing at this threshold, she is afraid to accept it even to herself that she wants a way out. The first thing is that she would be proved wrong in her decision.
It is when Saru is almost at the end of her sanity, not knowing how to deal with such a sadistic husband, that she accidentally hears of her mother's death. Suddenly she is shaken out of her obsession in life till that point of time—revenge! Throughout her life, she wanted to prove something to her mother but suddenly when she discovers that her mother is no more, the reality dawns her that she actually neglected her mother in that period of time, and now she is no more. There is no more opportunity to make things even, to make things right. This instigates a sense of guilt in Saru.
The 'rape' she endures every night with her husband, is the way she punishes herself, again brought on with a lot of guilt from her past and now combined with her doubts about her love for Manu, even her being ashamed of him
Saru returns to her parent's home, in the pretext of comforting her father, but actually seeking comfort herself by getting away from a marriage, which has become a farce. The novel in fact opens with Saru's coming back home. The eventlessness of the life there, the affectionate but undemanding relationship between Madhav, a young student who lives at this home, and the old father act as soothing balm to Saru's deep wounds. She is content to be part of this quiet life, to forget her profession, her young children, her life till then. Just to drift along in life. Asking nothing of the days, expecting nothing from them. Still she feels acutely lonely till she finally opens her mind to her father. It is this seemingly colourless person who advises her to let go of the dead people - of Dhruva, of her mother - and, not to turn her back on things again, to turn around and look at them, to talk to Manu. It is not only these words of his, but also his listening to her voicing her innermost wounds, and acknowledging readily that he really cannot do anything for her that heal Saru. She knows that like Dhuryodhana she also is alone and she is ready to bear, finally, the responsibility for her life. She tells herself, "All right, so I'm alone. But so's everyone else. Human beings … they're going to fail you. But because there's just us, because there's no one else, we have to go on trying. If we can't believe in ourselves, we're sunk."
It is when Saru understands that mere darkness of which Dhruva was scared, during which she was terrorised by her husband's behaviour, in which she was troubled by her nightmares, does not really hold any terror. Rather such terrors are harboured within herself. Only she can exorcise these demons. She faces the fact that in the end it is SHE who has lost her love for Manu, and it is SHE who needs to make the decision about her life and marriage on her own. No one to blame, no one to give her easy answers, no absolutions.
The nightmares that Saru has in the dark reflect the terror that Dhruva felt of the dark and the reason why he would beg to sleep with her as a little boy. She carries this image with her whenever she thinks of him. It is not the dark that holds the terror but what is in her own tormented mind. The physician who thought the body is the 'ultimate reality' realizes the real control that the mind has over matter and finally learns to heal herself.
When she thinks about her family, images of her children come alive, the interactions she has with them. In the initial part of the novel she says about her family--“A family the right size. The right kind. Like the ads. A happy family…With the skeleton locked firmly in the cupboard.” It reflects the dichotomy of most of the Indian families. We feel pride in the number of successful marriages. But when we look deeper into the real cause of this ‘success’, we would find that even the definition of successful marriage is far from real. In India, a marriage is successful until the time the couple live together, or if they are not separated. No matter that the man beats up his wife daily, no matter that the children are not looked after well, no matter that there is no love left in the marriage. The problem in India is that historically women have been dependent on men financially. Thus till the time they came of age for marriage, they have been properties of their fathers, and later, after marriage, they were considered properties of their husbands. Once married they were supposed to be at their in-laws’ place; and no matter what happens, they have to bear all injustice and compromise to make their marriage ‘work’. There has never been any support structure for women who have divorced their husbands. They have rarely been taken back. Thus a woman tries her best to cope with the situation till her last breath. Even today, no matter how much liberated women have become, culturally they are still the same. Divorce and separation do not list there. From outside it might seem like a successful marriage, as Saru says, but it might not be so really, like her own! But her case is not only a case of Marital Rape but there is complexity in understanding the psyche of Saru. The 'rape' she endures every night with her husband, is the way she punishes herself, again brought on with a lot of guilt from her past and now combined with her doubts about her love for Manu, even her being ashamed of him. Coming home, getting into the routines that her mother did, transforming herself into her mother, young Madhav's presence in the house and him calling her Saruthai as Dhruva did, all these are mechanisms that help her towards healing herself. The last conversation she has with her father is very telling. She faces the fact that in the end it is SHE who has lost her love for Manu, and it is SHE who needs to make the decision about her life and marriage on her own. No one to blame, no one to give her easy answers, no absolutions.
The nightmares that Saru has in the dark reflect the terror that Dhruva felt of the dark and the reason why he would beg to sleep with her as a little boy. She carries this image with her whenever she thinks of him. It is not the dark that holds the terror but what is in her own tormented mind. The physician who thought the body is the 'ultimate reality' realizes the real control that the mind has over matter and finally learns to heal herself.

Issues related to Indian Society reflected in the book

Preference of male child
Preference of male child is inherent in our patriarchical society. Many a times it leads to sibling jealousy, as also evident in the novel. But more than that it has led to angst for her mother. The truth is that the desire for a boy is so inherent in our culture, that no matter how much people claim that girls are as desirable as boys; once in a while the fact is definitely spilled out. Earlier the difference in their upbringing was too stark, but now although there is no real difference between the upbringing of a girl and a boy (in urban India), the difference still becomes apparent when she cannot go out unchaparoned, when her education is a tool to get her a good husband, when the idea that a boy stays to take care of his parents, is too overwhelming.
In the novel, when Saru informs her mother that her brother was drowned, her mother instinctively says why did not she drown in his place? There were other instances also when she was reminded by her mother again and again that she has to be married off.
Female foeticide is a product of this obsession with the male child. It is assumed that since girls are married off, and the boys stay with their parents, thus parents would depend on them later in their old age for their care. But there have been numerous cases against this assumption. Another thing is Dowry. The tentacles of the vice called dowry is so deep that even after such a large population has been educated, it has stayed. When a girl is born in a household, it is considered that she is a debt, a liability; while when a boy is born, he is an asset, who would earn and take care of his parents later on. Thus any expenditure for a boy does not seem much, but when it comes to girls, there is always this thought at the back of their mind that they have to pay a huge sum of money as dowry for the girl, so why spend more on her! Perhaps relationship as pure as a parent’s and a child’s also driven by what do I get, and what do I lose!

Male ego
In a patriarchical society, it is neither accepted by the man himself, nor by the society that women should hold a better position than men. In a marriage, if the wife earns more than the husband, the separation is almost imminent. No matter how much love the man claims for his wife, when it comes to difference in earnings and status, he always expects that he has to be superior to her. Over the years, women have accepted this without question, but now that she is a little more liberated, she questions this. As even Saru says at one point of time that had it been the time when women were chained to their husbands, and liked it that way, it would have been better for her marriage, but the idea of liberation and equality has brought turmoil in our lives because women’s expectations have grown but men have not accepted it yet.
Saru and Manu had been in love deeply. They married against the wishes of her parents. But later when Saru becomes more successful and respected, it creates a rift between the two, which was forever. It is really a matter of wonder that a man who claims complete love and devotion for his wife, suddenly starts to think her as his competitor.
In a movie called Arth by Mahesh Bhatt, the story is about an extra-marital affair. The wife is completely ignorant till the reality actually hits her, that her husband is being disloyal to her. She is left to wonder about her own incapacities, faults and reasons why that happened to her, when theirs was also a love marriage! She begins a journey of self-realisation, begins to discover life single-handedly. Later, when the husband wants to get back to her, she asks him only one question,” Had it been her, who had been disloyal and went away leaving him behind, for some other man; would he accept her back?” He said,” No” And she leaves without a word. It is an excellent portrayal of the truth of the society how men are easily forgiven for their deeds, and how women have to carry the burden of mistake for the rest of their lives. In fact, even men think that it is quite acceptable for them to commit mistakes, because they know that it would not be remembered for much time. This attitude of society has developed this male ego, and pampered it over the years; that is why it does not and cannot go so easily.

Marital violence
Over the years, men have used violence to express their dislike and hatred. There have been cases of violence against women in various forms—domestic violence, female foeticide, dowry deaths, etc—but for too long, the existence of marital rape had remained unacknowledged.

Female—the inferior sex?
There were several instances, including the one when Saru’s mother asks her why she did not die instead of her brother, which reflect the orientation of the society itself.
“You’re growing up,’ she would say. And there was something unpleasant in the way she looked at me, so that I longed to run away, to hide whatever part of me she was staring at. ‘You should be careful now about how you behave. Don’t come out in your petticoat like that. Not even when it’s only your father who’s around.” This conversation is not an isolated case. I am sure most of the girls have heard this during their growing up years. Why is it done so? Perhaps all mothers have done this to their daughters since time immemorial. But they have never tried to cure the problem, by instilling the right kind of values in the men folk she can approach, at least her son. She is the first school where he learns the trades of this world. A mother might think as her duty to teach her daughter that she is vulnerable, but could not it be better that she rather taught her son that women are to be respected. If a man errs, the blame is still on woman because the man gets off as he is expected to behave errantly. But never a woman. After all, a woman should be responsible for herself.

Final word
Perhaps there is some fault in our system, in our society. The women are liberated, supposedly, but the minds of men as well as the women are not liberated yet. So we have miles to go.

School-time Confessions!

Two days back one of my friends from Kinder Garten days came for interview at my college. She is one who would always remind me things about me and other friends, from our school days together. So I thought that would add to ay earlier blog on childhood stories. This one is from school.
My school was at a distance of 15 minutes walk. Throughout the later part of my school days, I used to take badly calculated risks for my exams. I remember I would not start studying as soon as possible, and keep postponing the cramming, ad on the day of exams there would be so much to study that I would be in a total chaos. In Class 10, I remember I had left the whole of Economics and most of Civics, and sat for the Board exams!!! Add to that, during my Class 12, I had studied only the Physical Chemistry and a little of Inorganic, leaving the whole of Organic Chemistry.Just a day before my Hindi exams, I watched Hamari Bahu Alka on TV. Could not miss the joy of watching Utpal Dutt at one of his hilarious best! But now I have changed in that respect, or should I say things have changed to suit my habits. Now we have 3 Trimesters in a year, so instead of 3 exams, I study the whole course in 3 parts. So I still study that way, but the course has decreased!
When we were in Class 8, we were hit by a wave that forced us to put a tail made of paper behind any person we get our hands to! Our class was on first floor, and adjacent to it, was our Chemistry Lab. Our Chemistry teacher(great looks!) was a terror! So we had this free period, everyone was busy in their own masti, at that time I was trying my best to put a paper-tail to my bench-mate. It so happened, just at that moment, our dear Chemistry looker, crossed our classroom. And bang!he saw me busy in my mischief. After that, he honoured me by making me stand on the stage of our assembly, near principal's office. I fondly remember this incident as having been crowned "Miss India"!
This reminds me of one of my friends, lets call her A. She was extremely notorious for her sleep. I and another friend (who visited me recently), let's çall her S, usually went to her house. And it usually happened to us, that whenevr we would visit her, she would be sleeping. Somehow she would manage to open the door, bear with us for sometime, but after we had talked with each-other for sometime, we would tell her that we had to go. And she would say-OK!Come again!And nobody'guess, she would conveniently go back to her sleep, and we would be left to walk back the long distance in hot sun!
There are really so many instances that sometimes when I get hold of them, I feel hey, I had nearly forgotten them. They are all so hilarious that we have laughed hundreds of times on the same joke!
One of my childhood friends'elder brother is getting married in May to his girlfriend. Luckily, I would be home at that time, and thus would get to meet my friend also, and be part of the fun. It is really a different feeling to be part of a marriage of somebody you know from your childhood!

Education System be damned!!!

Today we had a guest lecture, and somehow we wandered to the issue of Compulsory Education. In fact, it is only today that I realised that Compulsory Education should mean that one need not have to apply. And really how true it is! But look at the situation prevalent especially in urban India. If you had to take admission in school, you would have gone mad!I mean it really scares me! My heart really goes to those children who are growing up in this scenario.
I remember, 2 years back, when I was in Bangalore, I happened to stay at one of my distant uncle's place for a couple of days, and I came to know that they were to planning for their daughter's admission but the city's supposedly best girls' school, needed a donation of 20-25,000 rupees. And they planned to settle for the next best because my uncle was expecting a transfer. Imagine paying such a bomb and then shifting to another city, and pay again a similar exhorbitant sum. The child had to get admitted in Class 1. In fact, all of us very well know the plight of urban families, who have to pay huge sum of money in the name of education. Capitalism in Education, as they say!!!
But I really liked the idea of Universal Education in US. There you have to pay extra taxes in order to study beyond your district limits. One child is supposed to get her education in her own community. Yeah, it definitely instils a feeling of community because everyone comes there--the brightest as well as the dumbest!
I definitely do not believe that institutes like Bansal tutorials in Kota or institutes and schools of the ilk are doing wonder. Their cut off is 80% and then they take a written test. After you qualify that you are assigned groups like A,B,C,...according to your excellence and brilliance. So when you already filter out the cream, what can you expect other than the best from them. For example, if IITs or IIMs do well, do you wonder why??!!
The idea of private schools should be banned because on one side it instills a sense of disparity among children at a very young age, and secondly they never get to see the complete community. Remember schools were supposed to be a mini-world, where you experienced the diversity of the world outside in a small scale. But in this case, you end up meeting people of your ilk only, and sometimes you don't even realise that there is life beyond fashion, latest music video, Kareena's latest hair colour, and the glamour world. In fact, there is tremendous amount of harsh realities waiting for you out there, but you are not prepared; with that kind of education system!

Bachpan ki Baatein

When I think about the weirdest thing I have done as a kid, I instinctively start smiling. Because there have been quite a few! Now how this cropped up? Well, just now one of my friends said something, which made those old memories alive; and since I was just thinking about what to write about--I got my answer, bang on time!

I remember it was afternoon, and I had to go to my friend's house. So I had to iron my clothes. My mum was sleeping, and somehow I had to put on the press there.So I thought if I would switch on the light, my mum would wake up, and she would give me a lamba chauda lecture on not go out in the afternoon, its too hot, go later, study, blah...blah....blah!Guess what I did? I thought I would just finger the holes to find out where the socket is, and then put in the the plug. Yeah you got it right! I actually tried to find out the holes of that socket by fingering inside the hole. And as expected (or unexpected, at that time), I got shock of my life!!!Thank god, I did not get stuck there!

There's this another story of my school days. You would not believe how silly one could get! I used to forget my bag at home, and walk to school. I would feel that something is missing but would not be able to locate, what!!! Then some friend, who would meet along the road, would ask where's the bag? Then it would struck me as a lightening, and I would be embarrased like hell. But managed to make some story!

There's this story, which my brother used and over-used to fool me, whenever he wanted any favours.For example, he wants to eat my share of chocolate or cake or anything else; he would tell me that I know a cat,and she has a family and they have all gadgets in her home which are very high-tech. She has everything, and when he goes there, he gets whatever he wants. So if I give him my stuff to him rightaway, he would get me several later. Somehow I was convinced by him, not to mention this to anyone.And with this laalach I would give up my sweets, etc. Someone has rightly said that one bird in hand is better than two in bush; but I had not heard this then!!!

Book Review: People Unlike Us

I wrote this almost an year back:

A book is an experience-good or bad! And if it is well written, it is more than just an experience, it’s like spending some time with someone, exploring a new world, wide-eyed, surprised, shocked, touched and moved! Reading a book is living a pseudo-life.

People Unlike Us was a chance discovery in our library and the topics it covered were known but not felt. So there was a desire to explore this horizon, to spare some time to know life beyond personal boundaries, assignment deadlines, hanging out, gossips, etc., because life is mind-boggling beyond our secured limitations.

Background
This book is the third in the Contemporary Essays series by HarperCollins India. The media is flooded with issues (we can assume that from the fact that earlier we had only DD1 but now we have a host of 24-hour news channels). But the problem with our so-called competent and omnipresent media is that it chooses only those issues that the mighty, English-speaking middle-class finds interesting. If Lakme Fashion Week or marriage of Karishma Kapoor finds more time and space in the media than the plight and injustice to the poor and, and if we stay glued to our TVs so that we do not miss even one of the leggy ladies in the beauty pageants, then there is something seriously wrong with us.
Sometime back there was a Gender Workshop in the campus and surprisingly, I came across many guys in the group who were unable to buy the fact that girls are actually the less privileged in Indian society because in their immediate vicinity this did not happen. This beat the entire logic of conducting the workshop that was to inspire sensitivity towards each other and visualize things in a macro perspective. If I’m not dead does not mean that death is not a reality! While reading the book, I could relate this insensitivity with our own insensitivity towards several issues like encounters in Kashmir, sati, caste system, etc.
This book is an attempt to go beyond media approach of covering stories. Everyday there’s at least one news about murder, encounter or rape but how much does it affects us? This book lends faces to issues and brings them closer to reality, to our understanding. All the essays have been penned by competent journalists who took time off from their usual jobs to draw a picture of our country that has been highly marginalized.

Invisible Grief by Muzamil Jaleel

It dates back to the time when militancy had just taken birth in the Valley, around 1988. The essay is about two remote villages along the LOC in Kashmir—the army massacred people in one, the militants in the other. You realize what has happened to the Paradise on Earth when you read the line-“the stadiums where we had played cricket and soccer, the beautiful green parks where we had gone on school excursions as small kids in white and grey uniforms, were turned into martyrs’ graveyards. One after another, those who used to play there were buried there with huge marble epitaphs detailing their sacrifice.”
The stories of two forgotten villages, both situated in the frontier district of Kupwara stir sentiments when you come to know how silent tragedy and invisible sufferings mar their life. In Warsun, the people had resisted the tide of militancy and were punished for garlanding a Union minister, while Pazipora witnessed one of the first, and biggest massacres by the army in 1990. There’s a woman who curse her for making her son stay back for one extra day for vacation, there’s a man who lost 22 of his family and friends, another woman who had to marry her late husband’s nephew, half her age and whom she had even cradled and there are numerous such living stories fresh on the minds of survivors of fate.
The army protects us from outsiders all right but the atrocities done by them on the natives of the Valley due to their own incapacity to deal with militancy, bring them to a human level, a human who errs and scars of which remain forever! It’s not about blaming the army but it’s about understanding the plight of those innocent people who happen to be there where politics and militancy is at its best.

The Economics of Sati by Sagarika Ghosh

The essay is about an economically backward village in UP, where Sati is viewed in terms of the benefits it would attract, nobody bothers whether it was really a Sati or a suicide framed a Sati. Actually, people live under this assumption that when in Rajasthan anyone commits Sati, it leads to a Sati temple and it attracts donations for the temple and thus, development work is initiated.
When you read about a son who’s not bothered to discuss whether his mother really committed Sati or just jumped into her husband’s pyre on impulse, you are amazed by the insensitivity of the people. But when you actually go through the plight of people living in that area, and the level of development across decades and through several election promises, you realize that it’s not people who should be blamed but it is poverty that is to be blamed.
This has been put out very clearly in the following lines-“ Poverty, as Amartya Sen has written, is not simply the lack of income. It is also the lack of a voice, of a responsive local administration that can redress local needs, the lack of a system of governance that is transparent and accountable to the people it supposedly exists to serve.”

Still There by Sankarshan Thakur

In our caste and religion obsessed society, this essay is a leaf from the level to which people fall in enforcing that perhaps caste is supreme to humanity. This particular essay talks about how two teenagers were hanged for daring to fall in love with each other, in a village in Uttar Pradesh-Rajasthan border. The girl was from the upper Jat community and the girl from the lower Chamar community. This was done to re-enforce the fact that in future nobody dares to attempt the same crime otherwise the fate of those two teenagers were exemplary. The fact that this story was narrated to the writer by a little boy, states how deeply this has been engraved in their psyche.
In fact, even after 10 years of this incident, that village has a Chamar sarpanch but things have not changed. The authority is still in the hands of the upper caste Jats, and this fact is not stated but meekly accepted.
In discussion, this matter came up that the so-called lower castes are actually taking advantage of the laws in their favour, for example, now nobody can call them Harijan or any such lower-caste name, because they can file case against anyone on the basis of discrimination. But the thing is when someone is victimized for long, he learns to take advantage of the situation in the way he can. We cannot expect a victim to remain suppressed forever.

Fragments from a Folder by Siddhartha Deb

This essay deals with the mainstream India’s lack of interest in Northeast. As is quoted in the essay-“ secession for the North-eastern States is simply a ratification of their alien status, an attempt on their part to make the contract bilateral so that they may be as free of India as India is free of them.” This essay brings forth the general Indian psyche about our view of people from Northeast.
I remember, I read once in the Times of India, a journalist accounted that wherever she went in India, she was always mistaken for a Chinese or Nepali or Burmese or anything else but not Indian. She had to actually make people believe that she was as much an Indian as anyone else. In fact, this is a general psyche because people from Northeast look a little different but then so does people from South India or North India. There is certain degree of ignorance and indifference in us towards them. This is reflected in the following line-“Ten years after I began explaining to people that Shillong was in Meghalaya and not the capital of Assam, there is still an imaginary Indian border that stretches as far as Bengal-sometimes up to Assam-and stops there.”
The essay talks about Government’s and general people’s indifference towards Northeast; in the wake of flattening out of differences and imposition of a structure that does not considers small anomalous groups.

Recommendation

I recommend this book to everyone as it mirrors that part of society, which we do not think about. Speaking about my own experience, after reading this, I felt blessed for having the life I have, and pained for the real people who suffer this, day in and day out.

Highly Opinionated!

There is an issue going on in my class these days. It is about why the opt-outs should not be part of Farewell Party in our honour. The opt-outs are those people who did not participate in the customary Induction (read ragging)process done by the seniors. They were told at that time if they opt-out of the Induction they would be out of all parties among seniors and juniors, and they accepted that. After that there were Freshers' party, Picnic and the Mentor-Mentee movie, which they were not part of! At this point, with the initiative of these opt-outs, we were supposed to get Farewell Party, but suddenly some of us came to know about this, and it was time to call for a meeting among Seniors. The majority of seniors decided that they do not want opt-outs in the party. There would be two parties--the Farewell (by Junees)and the Farewell Returns (by seniors). So that's the story.
Now my story is that I want the entire juniors to be part of this Farewell and ot a section of them, because I think that we are parting as IMDRites. It should not be related to the Induction. In fact, those opt outs are ready to let go the party, and even I don't have any particular sympathy with this group but it just not seem right to me to exclude them. If it has been the so-called tradition, I want to go against the tradition because to my justification it is unjustified. I am not going to be part of this Farewell which is going to be without opt-outs because I think its high times I let things be. I mean, it is time I had some opinions of my own. And it may not necessarily be with the majority. It is really OK with me!
But yeah, I really felt bad about how my friends have come down to calling each other names, stupid, idiot, childish, insensible, and what not! I mean, all these things were not required. There could have been just a discussion of opinions but I don't know why people have turned sore on differences. It is anyways going to happen in life later also. We cannot always have a unanimous decision. Can we? After all, Life is all about differences. So why not celebrate it!

Casting "Ouch"

After the Shakti Kapoor episode, there has already been lots of arguments on does casting couch exists in the Indian film industry? Well, what I think is it certainly does! More than a film industry thing, it is definitely a dynamics between who is powerful and who is without power! Power Play! It could be called Casting Couch, sexual exploitation at work place or anything, but it definitely is the uneven power distribution in society. And if you ask me, I definitely believe that it does not limits to the arena of film industry. It exists wherever there is such unequal power in question. Just wait and watch, it would be in Politics, it would be in Fashion Industry and it would also be in the big bad Corporate world!
If people say that the big established names in any field are beyond this syndrome, then I surely differ because that cannot happen! It is just that once you become a big shot, nobody can point finger at you! But who knows the truth?
As far as India TV's take on casting couch is concerned, it is definitely in bad taste. Had it followed up a genuine case, it would have been an investigative journalism, but look what they are doing in the name of journalism!
It makes me think what has become of us as a society? Where are we heading towards? Everyone knows about such things but we like to ignore things which could lead us to trouble or any kind of uncomfortable situation.
It really makes me afraid, it makes me wonder, what life is going to be? And at the end of the day who is victimised pre-dominantly?The women! And as a "mature" society we like to believe that we have given women equal opportunities and consider them at par with men. There is a wonderful article "Stop Blaming Indian Women" in today's Indian Express by Nandita Patel.

Demo-crazy

I read Mr Advani's interview in Indian Express, dated 16.03.05. He seemed to be vouching too much for the democracy in India that it has given the country its reselience. But, as Mr K. Subrahmanyam rightly points out that Indian political system, barring the polling and declaration of results, is largely undemocratic (Call this a Democracy?Don't, Indian Express,14.03.05). I don't know which democracy is Mr Advani talking about?Is it that where the entire constituency is oblivious to their representative? How justified is this representation?The irony is that our government is formed on this presumption that these people represent their constituencies, and would stand for their needs and objectives! In fact, in the 'democracy' like India, you could also see those people getting elected whom you voted out, with the brilliance of coalition. After all, what matters is Power, everything else is negotiable!

Sunday is a Holiday!

Yeah, I know, everyone knows that, still there was no other better title to give.Anyways, I am doing time pass at a cyber cafe.Because Sunday is a Holiday! I washed a lotta clothes today, because Sunday is a Holiday! I finally started reading Arthur Hailey's The Evening News because, yeah, Sunday is a Holiday! The greatest of all deeds, I got 3 newspapers for myself--TOI, Indian Express, Mid Day.Because Sunday is a Holiday! So you see, this justifies the title for my Blog!And I can assure you that I have not become a gone case, and also that Sunday is a Hoilday, but not for my brains!ENJOY

Marriage Blues!

Since some time my family is really bothering me with its intention of getting me married! They don’t say this overtly but there are explicit undercurrents. In fact, even my brother told me jokingly about the plans-in-process! I guess, they think that my disinterest in marriage is as much as everyone else has at some point of time! Well, to that I would say, they still consider things same as they used to be; but for me things have changed! I mean, talking about girls, earlier it was considered that girls should be married off as soon as possible. But now priorities have changed. And the most frustrating issue is you have a tough time explaining this to the women community itself! I know, to some extent women are responsible for their own plight, but anyways, my issue is to enjoy my job and not to spend rest of my life, starting from here, to carry on responsibilities and fulfill expectations. Take a Break!

A Peace of Mind

Have you ever wondered, how much we talk! Think about the dialogue that goes on and on inside your head! It never stops. You saw a handsome guy/beautiful girl (whichever applies) and your mind goes "WoW"!The moment your spotted at the wrong place, you go "Shit!". Besides, the obviously looooooong monologues about how you were justified in giving tit for tat to that girl who thinks, don't know what she thinks of herself!. Or you take a break from the fast pace of life and say "just chill out"!The point is we never stop. I remember when I saw "What Women Want", I realised what a blessing our inner voice is! You can go on bitching about anybody right infront of her, and just make an innocent face, nobody ever knows. You can fool your boss by saying hoe brilliant his ideas are, and go on mocking his foolishness. It is fun, isn't it?
eople say, life has become so busy or we pretend to be busy so that we do not think and thus do not come face to face with our conscience. We are afraid of ourselves, are we? I can speak for myself. I am definitely not afraid of myself because I am not a hypocrite. I do what I say and stick to my words. I do not double time anybody, so why should I have pangs of guilt! In fact, the time when I go for walk and have my inner voice as my companion, is the best part of my day. I think the most important thing in life is loving oneself or should I call it ACCEPTANCE!Another thing which is very important, which I have come to realise is defining one's priorities. For example, if everyone is running after good jobs (read big pay packages), should I also make head way there? It depends, on what I want in life.I have come to accept that those like us who are not confident of our abilities want to cling to safe jobs and salaries, as soon as possible. But those who are passionate about certain things, do not behave in this way. They do not need anchors, for they are anchors themselves! They do not hunt for secured lives, they hunt for fulfilling lives.

Life,largely

Blogging is great, and since I missed it for a couple of days so here I am! So what have I been doing? It began with catching Socha Na Tha on Sunday, then we (I and my roommates) saw Love Actually and Never been Kissed! Did not like any of them. They were both Average movies! I also read a book The One Straw Revolution, and started the Interpreter of Maladies, which would be finished by today. Another on the pipeline is a book called Fast Food Nation. I have lots of books to read—fiction as well as Non Fiction. I am also simultaneously reading India in Transition by Jagdish Bhagwati. I mean I don’t HAVE to read, it is just that I get so overwhelmed by books that when I get my hands on them, I do not like to leave them until I am through! You know what, more than reading; I love company of books; and my secret desire to start something in the lines of Crossword. Then I would have the latest books in my hands, all the time! That reminds me of something! When I was a kid, I used to wonder, why the shopkeepers did not eat their chocolates!!??
Hey, I went completely off-track! Where was I? OK, I was telling about the movies. Well, I love Drew Barrymore but in Never Been Kissed, she was looking absolutely Bekaar! And guess what, today I saw Mitr—my friend; and it was really nice. Shobhana deserved the national award. I hope you remember she shared it with Tabu (for Chandni Bar)! At the cost of repeating, I would say that among Page 3, Satta and Chandni Bar, Satta still is the best one by Madhur Bhandarkar!
Now I think I should rush home because since these days I cook at home, so I gotta get my dinner ready! But I would be back soon. Watch this space!

Socha Na Tha!!!

Yeah, I saw that too! I went to catch this movie on Sunday with a friend. Actually I got bored with the course of my days, all of them have started to seem identical, so that day I suddenly planned to go for a movie. I checked the review and found it decent, so there I was! It is clean--no love scene, no action--movie. You could say it is a light movie, you never get tensed up!This was my first one of Ayesha Takia, and though she does not really act well, but she is different, and I guess she would learn fast. She is this normal girl-next-door kind. No Aishwarya or angelic face here.Talking about Abhay Deol, he badly needed a haircut. But he looked decent in the last few scenes where the story ends in a couple of photographs.
Socha Na Tha is refreshing!

An ideal Morning

Today I got up at 6 am, finally!!!I exercised for a while and went for jogging. But I was extremely bad at it. I got tired in 2 minutes and I was unable to push my leg forward. I felt that my legs were not moving, as if they were locked!Then I started walking, and while coming back home, I found that the paperwallahs weren't still there. So I thought I would have to make another trip of the streets. But then I spotted my old paperboy and got my morning 'food for thought' from him and engaged him for delivering newspaper daily at my place. Earlier I used to get Indian Express because undisputedly it is one of the best as regards the editorial page is concerned. But Times of India scores on its coverage of news, thus I decided that I would get TOI at home and read the edits of Indian Express in college.
Anyways, that done, I reached home, took bucket, etc, and went downstairs and finished with my long pending work of cleaning my scooty. I had a tough time putting it on Main stand!Then I washed some clothes and watched Babe; and then I realised that I had an assignment to do. So I picked up my stuff and did my assignment. (I slept in between for almost half an hour). In the evening, I came to my institute for assignment submission and read some parts of SMALL IS BEAUTIFUL. Then here I am!
I hope I would go for the movies to be screened by Open Space, made by Iranian directors, tommorrow!

Fat Is Not a Fairy Tale

By Jane Yolen

I am thinking of a fairy tale,
Cinder Elephant,
Sleeping Tubby,
Snow Weight,
where the princess is not
anorexic, wasp-waisted,
flinging herself down the stairs.

I am thinking of a fairy tale,
Hansel and Great,
Repoundsel,
Bounty and the Beast,
where the beauty
has a pillowed breast,
and fingers plump as sausage.

I am thinking of a fairy tale
that is not yet written,
for a teller not yet born,
for a listener not yet conceived,
for a world not yet won,
where everything round is good:
the sun, wheels, cookies, and the princess.



from Such a Pretty Face May 2000
Meisha-Merlin Publishing, Inc

Partners in Crime!

I felt a little uncomfortable when I came to know how much deep I am into the cruelty done to animals. It is all pervasive, where do I go?
For example, look at Milk & Milk Products companies like Nestle. I gathered from my class in Science, Technology and Ecology, that it actually makes cows stand in rows, which looks like an assembly line. There are udders are attached to machines, which take out milk, and it is processed for later use! Technology at its best, I suppose! Besides, as we know that cow gives milk for her cattle; so these companies stretch the time when cows give milk to extremely long periods with the help of artificial methods, which include painful hormonal injections also. And top it all, the poor cattle hardly gets the milk. Commercialisation is thy name!
Second case, did you imagine or think about the state of poultry or other animals destined to be part of our meals? They are given hormonal injections at a very young age so as to make them grow fast. Their legs are tied so that they could not move, and thus they put on a lot of weight. Some birds like hens and cocks, sometimes become so obese that they are unable to carry their weight on their legs and results could be broken bones! Ll this to increase the quantity of meat as much as possible to get maximum profits out of the investment. Think about the pain of those animals and birds; and then think about your own fate when you eat such things!
Third case, following are some of the companies which use animals for painful testing:
Proctor & Gamble
British Petroleum
Christian Dior
Clairol
Colgate Palmolive
Gillete
Givenchy
Glaxo Smithkline
Johnson & Johnson
Nestle (L'Oreal, Helena Rubinstein, Lancome, Laboratoires Garnier)
Novartis (Ovaltine)
Reckitt Benkiser
SC Johnson
Unilever (Calvin Klein, Cheesboro' Ponds, Elida Gibbs, Helene Curtis)
Wella
And this, I can assure you, is not an exhaustive list of companies. You know how you use their products every single day of your life!
Now think about this—where do you go? Isn’t it stifling to be in here, amid such companies which get down to any standards to achieve their ends—MAXIMUM PROFIT—the objective of any business!

BLACK

I finally decided to take the initiative to go and watch Black.It was a good movie, I would say, but I would not say--mind blowing!My decision is based on a simple thing. If I look at my watch more than twice in order to see how much more time I have to be inside, I know the movie is not in the category of EXCEPTIONAL.It was heavy, as I expected. And that was one of the reasons I postponed watching it!But I missed 'Little Terorrist'.
I also read at several places that the movie was predominantly in English. Well, I did not think so. Yeah, Mr. Bachchan did teach her student in English but it had not been shown in detail.
Anyways, my day started with a little bit of exercise but I have not yet been able to fight my lethargy and resume jogging.Atmost I manage to get up at 7.15 am, not earlier. Then I decided I would go for the movie, since Monday is a holiday. I had to complete my INDIVIDUAL AND INDIAN SOCIETY assignment but I had zeroed down to what I was going to write, thus it was not going to be a problem. And anyways, I had finished half of it.
Yesterday I was thinking about things I read in SMALL IS BEAUTIFUL. It really made me think that growing GDP does not ensure growth or development in our lives and people around us.It is just an economic parameter to gauge the over all health of the industries.It is too macro to affect us at the grassroots. Even if Indian economic is growing at a rate of 6.9% this year, does that make any difference to the poor people. There problem has not been dealt with. Not this year, not the year before and not likely even in the year after.So why do we put forth an argument based on growing GDP? This takes me to another problem of ours--the jobless growth.It means that the economy would grow but it would not create new jobs, as anticipated. Do we really think about all these? I mean there is another thing bothering me after my SCIENCE, TECHNOLOGY AND ECOLOGY class, I never realised how inhuman conditions are in Poultry and dairy farms. I mean think about the injections they are given to make them fatter and thus more meat. It is so disgusting to even think about it.It really relieved me a bit that there are cooperatives like AMUL which do not stress on more productivity (as in more meat produced or milk obtained by whatever methods) rather empowerment of people at the grassroots.I am glad that such institutions exist. I am seriously thinking about turning vegetarian after acquiring knowledge about what is done to poultry and other animals for meat.I would really like to know more about various companies which sell there products to us, to know what kind of products I am consuming. Awareness is really blissful, and extremely important too. If IMDR stresses on anything, then it is AWARENESS more than anything else!

Convocation

No I am not going to write any detail about Convocation here. The thing is I arrived late for Convocation, that too when the Chief Guest had already begun his speech. When I did it, I did not give it even a second thought. Indians are known to be late, in general. In fact, fashionable! And we also like to get away with this habit by proudly declaring that we are Indians! But today I got scolded for this act of mine, and the worst thing was that I was not punished. Punishment, I think, relieves you of the burden of guilt and regret. When you don’t get punished, you do not get over the incident! In fact, I really thought about this issue, which seems little, for a long time. I realized, I have in fact got habituated to be late, unless I have to go for a class. Perhaps that is why in 23 years of my life, I have not yet learnt to manage time well! But now I have promised myself that I would keep my promises and commitments. It creates a bad impact about you and your attitude!

the Film festival ends, and.....

After 'ChinaTown', the next day I went to see 'Citizen Kane'. Initially I felt out of place watching it but later I got what was it all about!The day after, I went for 'Rear Window' and it was good! Somewhere in the middle I thought that the actor is just sufferring from some psychological problem because he has been confined to a place for long! Thus he was reading too much into a non-issue, but then things happened.Grace Kelly was really graceful and this was my first Grace Kelly flick!You can also read its review here.
Today it is 26th February and it is Convocation-eve for the batch of 2004. Most of my seniors are already here. Today there was a play by OORJA, the theatre group of IMDR, followed by Mushaiyara, which is still going on. Then we have a party because they cannot stay till late on Sunday! Anyways, I met my mentor after a really long time. And it is good to see him again.
That's all for now.Got some work.

Mystery Theatre

As I promised myself two days back that I would do something different, a different experience, everyday; on Wednesday I was wondering what to do because almost the whole day had slipped out of my hand in classes, etc. And then suddenly one of my friends asked if I would like to go with him for a movie "ChinaTown", in a Film Festival running at the National Film Archive of India or NFAI. And since I do not lose any opportunity to be a part of anything like a Film Festival and since I have not really decided upon what to do, I accompanied him. I was extremely tired ny that time, but a promise is a promise, and that too to myself. I never lie to myself!
When we reached there, we found a really, really long queue, and we were wondering whether we would be able to get in or not, but after the earlier show finished, we got the chance. Two of our other friends were there too.
It is a Film Festival organised by Indira School of Communication, and it is called 'Mystery Theatre'.I would go there today also. Theatre and Film Festivals are new experiences, I never had in my life.

War and Peace

That is again another award-winning documentary by Anand Patwardhan. As described by one of the websites "WAR AND PEACE" examines not merely the militarization of India, but analyzes the human cost that is extracted from its citizens in the name of 'National Security."It is shot over a period of 3 years in India, Pakistan, USA and Japan. I saw only the first part and next week I would see the second part. It was about Nuclear tests in Pokharan. It talked about do we really need nuclear weapons, and if yes, why do we need them? They just pose threat to our national security and nothing else! The most contentious issue is that how justified is it, when it eats up millions of dollars when on the other hand we are absolutely helpless about what to do about poverty. Is it justified spending so many of the tax-payers money for such ends? General notion of people who supported nuclear tests was that it was about self respect even if costs a lot of money and diseases to people staying in the vicinity of tests sites. But are we so rich that we could spend so much for just a superficial self respect? How much respected are we otherwise?
Another issue which cropped up after India’s nuclear tests, was Pakistan’s step forward towards nuclear weapons acquisition. It deteriorated the already worse situation between India and Pakistan, but self respect was intact!!!
After watching this documentary, I thought about only one thing what is that which motivates people like Anand Patwardhan? I mean if we look at the general people like you and I, some of us do not care about such issues at all, some give it a thought and move on. But there is something so passionate about works of Anand Patwardhan that it makes me think, what is that which keeps them going against all odds! Perhaps, we are all very ill-informed or atleast not well-informed, thus it is very difficult for us to decide what is our stance about any and every issue. To come to think of it, we know so little about everything!!!Thus we do not really stand for anything, like these people do, because they believe in something and that too quite passionately!
I am really looking forward to see the second part of ‘War and Peace’ and also ‘In the name of God’.
Atleast I did something different today! Tomorrow is another day!

My Resolution

I got so much frustrated by present scheme of things that I promised myself that I need to do something about it. So I promised myself that I would do one interesting thing everyday, interesting or different from what I usually do.Everyday I must have something to think about!

The Assassination of Gandhi

Ashish Nandi has written about 'The Politics of the Assassination of Gandhi', and it is quite informative. I am not going to reproduce that piece verbatim because it is an extremely boring thing to do. Rather I would like to comment on the content.
I must confess I was a complete ignorant as regards knowledge about Nathuram Godse is considered. I felt he was just a petty, fame-thirsty person. But Nathuram Godse and the assassination was a complete case in itself. During his early childhood, Nathuram was brought up as a girl, which eventually, perhaps, led to the indispensablity of proving his masculanity to the world.There were two things which Gandhi dreamed of, alongwith his struggle for freedom from British rule. They were--the eradication of power structure or the caste syatem in the society which accumulated power and respectability to a few; and the second thing being his negation of the concepts of masculinity and femininity. Godse was against both the ideas.
Nathuram belonged to the community of Chitpavan Brahmins of Maharashtra. Gandhi's call to disintegrate the caste system meant losing the power status which the Brahmins enjoyed, more so by the Chitpavan Brahmins because in Maharashtra there is no one equal to Kshatriyas, thus the divide between the Brahmins and the non-Brahmins was huge.
Along with this, Godse had to open a shop when he was 16 and later become a tailor because of poor economic conditions, but resorting to economic activities were considered to be demeaning for Brahmins. Thus there was all the more reason for him to establish his superiority in the society.
Submissiveness was equated with femininity and legitimate violence with masculanity. Perhaps this was the premise for his choice of a violent way to freedom struggle.
But it would be really unwise to say that it was because of Godse's planning that such action could meet its end. Rather it could be said "it was an idea whose time had come!".
There were mounting security issues regarding Gandhi yet nothing substantial was being done. The police force turned lethargic and even his contemporaries felt that Gandhian principles had become anachronistic for Post-independence.
Gandhi himself had lost his zest for living because of Partition and the riots thereafter.
All these laid the foundations for a drama which was enacted by Nathuram Godse!Perhaps!

Happy B'day Mum!!!

When you came into the world, she held you in her arms.
You thanked her by wailing like a banshee.
When you were 1 year old, she fed you and bathed you.
You thanked her by crying all night long.
When you were 2 years old, she taught you to walk.
You thanked her by running away when she called.
When you were 3 years old, she made all your meals with love.
You thanked her by tossing your plate on the floor.
When you were 4 years old, she gave you some crayons.
You thanked her by coloring the dining room table.
When you were 5 years old, she dressed you for the holidays.
You thanked her by plopping into the nearest pile of mud.
When you were 6 years old, she walked you to school.
You thanked her by screaming, "I'M NOT GOING!"
When you were 7 years old, she bought you a baseball.
You thanked her by throwing it through the
next-door-neighbor's window.
When you were 8 years old, she handed you an ice cream.
You thanked her by dripping it all over your lap.
When you were 9 years old, she paid for piano lessons.
You thanked her by never even bothering to practice.
When you were 10 years old, she drove you all day, from
soccer to gymnastics to one birthday party after another.
You thanked her by jumping out of the car and never looking back.
When you were 11 years old, she took you and your friends to the movies.
You thanked her by asking to sit in a different row.
When you were 12 years old, she warned you not to watch certain TV shows.
You thanked her by waiting until she left the house.

Those teenage years
When you were 13, she suggested a haircut that was becoming.
You thanked her by telling her she had no taste.
When you were 14, she paid for a month away at summer camp.
You thanked her by forgetting to write a single letter.
When you were 15, she came home from work, looking for a hug.
You thanked her by having your bedroom door locked.
When you were 16, she taught you how to driver her car.
You thanked her by taking it every chance you could.
When you were 17, she was expecting an important call.
You thanked her by being on the phone all night.
When you were 18, she cried at your high school graduation.
You thanked her by staying out partying until dawn.

Growing old and gray
When you were 19, she paid for your college tuition,
drove you to campus, carried your bags.
You thanked her by saying good-bye outside the dorm so you wouldn't
be embarrassed in front of your friends.
When you were 20, she asked whether you were seeing anyone.
You thanked her by saying, "It's none of your business."
When you were 21, she suggested certain careers for your future.
You thanked her by saying, "I don't want to be like you."
When you were 22, she hugged you at your college graduation.
You thanked her by asking whether she could pay for a trip to Europe.
When you were 23, she gave you furniture for your first apartment.
You thanked her by telling your friends it was ugly.
When you were 24, she met your fiance and asked about your plans for the future.
You thanked her by glaring and growling, "Muuhh-ther, please!"
When you were 25, she helped to pay for your wedding, and she cried and told
you how deeply she loved you.
You thanked her by moving halfway across the country.
When you were 30, she called with some advice on the baby.
You thanked her by telling her, "Things are different now."
When you were 40, she called to remind you of an relative's birthday.
You thanked her by saying you were "really busy right now."
When you were 50, she fell ill and needed you to take care of her.
You thanked her by reading about the burden parents become to their children.


And then, one day, she quietly died. And everything you never did came
crashing down like thunder.

"Rock me baby, rock me all night long."
"The hand who rocks the cradle...may rock the world".
Let us take a moment of the time just to pay tribute/show appreciation to
the person called MOM though some may not say it openly to their mother.
There's no substitute for her. Cherished every single moment.
Though at times she may not be the best of friends, may not agree to our
thoughts, she is still your mother!!!
She will be there for you...to listen to your woes, your braggings, your
frustations, etc.
Ask yourself.....have you put aside enough time for her, to listen to her
"blues" of working in the kitchen, her tiredness???
Be tactful, loving and still show her due respect though you may have a
different view from hers.
Once gone, only fond memories of the past and also regrets will be left.

**DON'T TAKE FOR GRANTED THE THINGS CLOSEST TO YOUR HEART. CLING TO THEM AS
U WOULD YOUR LIFE, FOR WITHOUT THEM, LIFE IS MEANINGLESS*

Inner dialogue

Sonia Gandhi talked about it, I think about it. Inner Dialogue, that is!I guess, in our fast-paced life, inner dialogue is something which could be called a blessing, your own territory!
Today I saw WHAT WOMEN WANT.
So you see what I am coming to!Isn't it a blessing that nobody could hear our inner dialogue otherwise life would have been too difficult. You would have to constantly check your thoughts. Talk about freedom of expression...atleast to oneself!
Well, coming back to my inner dialogue, while I was coming to this cyber cafe, I had this thing going on in my mind.Have you ever realised how repressed women are in our society??!!You would see hordes of men drooling over girls or eyeing pretty women, but how many women have you seen doing that on street?Perhaps in our patriarchical society, we are brought up that way! I seriously think there is something wrong somewhere. I do not fight for rights for dressing up (or down?)in whatever way we like, but yeah, I would love to be left alone from constant and irritating male gazes. Thankyou, I could do without them! Perhaps men have not realised yet or nobody has told them yet, but women do not like it at all to be constantly looked upon as 'things'. That is some of my piece of mind.
So I was also telling about movies which I have seen lately. I saw 50 FIRST DATES 2 days back. It was a really cute movie, and I really loovvvvve Drew Barrymore, she is sooooo cute!I wonder if there is really any such disease, and if there is. I would be sad much much more for 10-second Tom. For a romantic movie, it was OK to have such a wife, but imagine how life would be with someone who really forgot everything about you everyday, and everyday you would have to start with a whole lot of explaining. Would you like to do that everyday of your life? I am not sure!
It also happens to be my mum's birthday so
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUM

Father,Son and Holy War

There is a documentary of the same name as above by Anand Patwardhan. I chanced upon it through my class on 'Individual and Indian Society' and I must say, it was really good! Most of all I was impressed by the man's commitment towards he cause. You could read about Anand Patwardhan here.
His War and Peace was recently shown at the Goa Film Festival.
After I saw this documentary, one thing is for sure, that my attitude towards documentaries has really changed. Earlier I used to be completely uninterested towards them. In fact, the last time I participated in FTII Film Festival, I did not go to watch even a single documentary.
Documentaries are in your face. They are gross. But they are as things are!Yeah, at the end of the day it is the director's view. But it tells you something without scripts, without dialogues.
For example, there was this woman from Rajasthan, an illiterate cook, talking about Sati. She had a photograph of Roop Kanwar at the Sati-site on her husband's pyre. In the picture, there was also a photograph of God, and rays from God were falling on Roop Kanwar. When the cook was asked about that photograph, she said she got it at the Sati site and that the photograph was real and that morphing is impossible. The most hilarious pf everything was that she believed that the God's picture was real, otherwise who would believe that God is for real. Also, she said that God is invisible to the naked eye because HE hides behind trees, and it was by chance HE could be clicked in that photograph.It was laughable alright, but it also throws light on the degree to which such illiterate and ignorant people are disillusioned.
There were alternating accounts of Hindus'Sati and Muslims'Talaq. The only thing that was apparent from those accounts was suffering of women in the name of religion, no matter which one! Both the religions claimed that they in fact put their women on pedestal through these ways but the reality reflects in the lives of those who suffer!
In the second part, Hero Pharmacy, there was this sequence where people are celebrating Shivaji Divas, and there was a man telling about the entire decoration. There was this mobile statue of a semi-nude woman aho was bathing. He said that it was Mandakini and it represented the fact that as against earlier times, when fear of Mughal Emperors had made it unsafe for women to bath openly. But after Shivaji, peace resumed and women are no longer unsafe in that way!!!???
I also plan to see 'In the name of God' and if we are fortunate we might be able to hear Mr Patwardhan himself.
As we were informed that he has been into documentary making of this genre for years and he has been harmed physically also to stop him. But it is really admirable that he is continuing all this despite people against his blood.
Read more about Anand Patwardhan's works.

Ek Ruka Hua Faisla

It is a movie by Basu Chatterji. I saw it yesterday night.I got this bit from Google search about the movie............
"This one was inspired by Henry Fonda's Twelve Angry Men. A film entirely devoid of songs , it revolved around twelve men called for jury duty in a murder case. The entire action takes place in a single room in which the jury is deliberating. K.K.Raina excels as the lone dissenter who fights for the defendant's cause and gradually brings the others around."
In my opinion it was an exciting movie, in the sense, it does not show any emotional melodrama but really keeps you stuck because of its plot, story and acting, boss! The 12 characters and most importantly K.K.Raina & Pankaj Kapur, their arguments and counter-arguments keep you interested.
It reminded me of the Group Discussions, which we often indulge in. Anybody would appreciate how K.K.Raina turns the table around from 11 Vs 1 vote. It was really a matter of being clear on your thoughts and arguments! Because most of the times, people want to hide behind others and accept whatever majority says. But the point is "if you do not stand for anything, you will fall for everything".Right?

Girlie Talk

These days we have so much time on hand that we end up doing nothing but indulging in a bitching session on anybody and everybody. No matter how much we try to understand people, we are seldom successful and we end up criticising them endlessly. It generally takes off from one particular incidence, takes off to another and so on!And trust me it takes a lot of time. You would not realise where time flew off!
Day before yesterday, all three of us (I share a flat with 2 of my classmates) started on a gossip marathon, talking about just anything under the sun. And since I am very interested in filmy gossips (courtesy:film magazines and websites), I share my knowledge with my roomies. It is a good time pass. One of them sleeps midway, but the other, who is very illiterate about actors, actresses and their gossips, sits through these session wide-eyed. I also tell them what is happening in all the serials (courtesy:indiantelevision.com), as we do not have TV here, they are so amazed at my knowledge.
So that day we somehow ended up discussing DIL MANGE MORE (the Shahid Kapur starer), and since she sees almost all the movies, she actually narrated the entire story to me. And you know what happened? We ended up driving each other crazy about who played Shahid Kapur's mother in DIL MANGE MORE. And we don't know yet! Everyday, in fact, every night we discuss this issue, rake our brains and then just give up, just to ask somebody the next day. But nobody remembers the mamas in the movies, do they? Most of them have Farida Jala or Himani Shivpuri or Smita Jaikar or Kiron Kher. And there is one more problem. My dearest roomie does not even knows any names of anybody in movies or TV except the lead characters, which means only heros and heroines. So even if I ask her, if she was Smita Jaykar? She would not know, because she does not knows who is she!!!
Everybody fails to understand whay there is so much fuss about Shahid Kapur's screen mum in DIL MANGE MORE!!!But you know na, it is like, you listen to a song somewhere and get crazy finding the name of the movie or the actors!!!

Time Pass

I am now in my 6th and last Trimester. We have 5 subjects. One of them has not been sceduled yet and for the rest 4 we have 2 continuous classes each. One subject in one day and 3 of them are in the latter part of the day, which means after 2 p.m.This great detail was to make you realise how much of free time I have on my hands. There is absolutely nothing to do!!!
So that means reading, reading and more reading! But that also does not actually happen.Thus looking for some part time. Lets see!

Individual & Indian Society

That is the paper I opted for, this Trimester from the electives. It includes a few movies, books, plays and documentries. The objective of this course is to create awareness about the social aspect and understand social responsibility. Basically, it is an attempt to look at an individual and at society with respect to him.To understand different perspectives and broadening one's horizons by relating it to one's own context. Too abstract, is it?
For example, in the first class, there were a set of statements translated from Marathi in English. These statements said negative things about an individual for example,
"I am scared of doing anything greta. I scare off people doing great things."
"When I was young, I used to park under a 'No Parking' sign and get away by bribing a policeman."
"I behave secretively. I do everything in hiding, without anyone knowing of it."
There were several from the ilk, but my favourite pick was....
"In India in 00 A.D. there was a great movement against dowry. In 1 A.D. there was a great movement against dowry. In 2 A.D. there was a movement against dowry. In 100 A.D. there was a movement against dowry. In 2000 A.D. there was a movement against dowry deaths, in 3000 A.D., 5000 A.D. 50,000 A.D. there was a movement against dowry deaths. In India, in 1 lakh A.D., 1 crore A.D., there was a movement against dowry. In doomsday A.D. in India there was a strong movement against dowry, casteism, poverty, corruption and for an undivided India."
I hope you got the point!

Long time No see!

I am back after a long hiatus. I got busy with my exams and I got lazier, as I am already Lazy!!! Meanwhile I read a couple of books and lots of Filmy magazines! Yeah, I love those filmy mags with lots of gossip about phillum-stars!!I read The Godfather by Mario Puzo through my exams. And I must say I was very sad when Sonny was killed! That is the problem with me, I take emotional scenes, whether in movies or books, very seriously! Can't help it!!!And yeah, now that I have read this immensely popular novel, I am waiting for all those movies based on this one like Sarkaar, The Family, etc.I missed the International Film Festival this year because of my exams! I heard it had all the recent releases (like Page 3, Kisna, Amu, Black Friday, etc) plus several good ones from all over the world.
I was talking about Page 3. I am a sort of fan of Madhur Bhandarkar's movies. I liked Chandni Baar, and I loved Satta. I still think Satta is his best one.Anyways, coming back to Page 3. I would say it is a good movie--good theme, good star cast and all. It is something which you would not like to forget so soon. You would recall things long after coming out of the theatre, but having said that, I would also add that the movie lacks a pull which is essential to keep the audience interested. The movie talks about so many things--page 3 people, child molestation, abuse of struggling starlets, bomb blast, journalists, models, homosexuals, people taking advantage of others, and so much more. But still it lacks a thrust.
Konkana Sen lives the character. But I personally loved Sandhya Mridul and Atul Kulkarni. I could not have enough of them. Both were too good! I was wondering if Madhu Bhandarkar could have used an in-your-face type journo in the form of Sandhya, it would have been interesting. Konkana has done justice to her character. The character itself was a little vulnerable sort. And Tara Sharma does not knows acting at all, and to top it she has a very funny voice! I remember when we went to watch Masti, the moment she would say something, the whole theatre would be in splits of laughter--not because the dialogues were funny or she acts funny, but her voice is rather too funny and lacks any emotion! I wonder how directors 'okay' her scenes or dubbing!!!
I have also read somewhere that Mira Nair is making Jhumpa Lahiri's The Namesake and Konkana has been hired for the role of Ashima Ganguli. Since I read this one also recently, and liked it too, so I am waiting for the movie. Another movie which I want to see is Amu. Looks like I have become a Konkana Sen fan, but the fact is that it is sheer coincidence!
Currently I am reading Harry Potter and The Philosopher's Stone, as I wanted to see what is so good about this children's book series!!! Right now I am in the middle of it, and don't know how I would complete it. It is too childish!!!
I love John Grisham. In fact I love any novel on legal tussles!But I have yet to try several authors. I am so ignorant! What have I been doing all these years, I have not read so many authors yet!

My Bangalore visit, and more!

I left for Bangalore on 8th January by bus (much to my dismay). It is a 17 hour journey by bus. But since I could not get any ticket by train, I had to explore this option. This was my first overnight journay by bus, that too for such long hours. Few minutes after I boarded the bus, a black, sinister looking guy (with a huge mole on his cheek) came to me and asked if anybody was expected next to me. I was terrified, he might plan to seat himself there. So I said-yes! Actually a girl was supposed to come. In fact I was shifted to that seat in order to be next to a girl. It is India after all. And we girls prefer women around during long journeys, you see! But the girl did not materialise. That guy approached me again, and I had to tell him the truth; later I came to know that he was the driver of our bus!!!Anyways, my next trouble was that, the travel agency where I had got my tickets from, called up on my cell to talk to the driver!!!I literally had to sleep for 17 hours, because there was no TV (actually there was a TV, but it was not working, you see).
I reached Bangalore at 7 am, got down at Majestic and called up my brother to inform about where exactly I was standing. I saw my brother after one and a half years. And he has put on weight, though he does not like to believe that. My stay in Bangalore was a sum total of three movies--Choker Baali, Hulchal and Hum Tum--, meeting my family and getting through the nostalgia of that place. I was actually preparing for CAT when I last stayed there for 6 months. So that place is reminiescent of my so-called struggle and uncertainty!
I left Bangalore on 10th Jan by train, reaching Pune on 11th Jan,while my parents and brother left for Goa, for meeting my Uncle and Aunt. I have my 5th Trimester papers from 18th Jan!Another Trimester and MBA at IMDR would be over for me. But it really seems a lifetime of relationship with this institute. Of course when all your friends leave, it no longer would be the same place, but it would be great to come back with my whole group of friends again after a few years!!!

from Bangalore

I am on my short trip to Bangalore to meet my parents and my big Brother, who has come back after one and a half years in San Fransisco. It is a fleeting visit. I came today morning, and leaving on day after tommorrow.I would be back when I return to Pune. Till then, take care of yourself!

Life in present tense

I have become quite a lazy bone and regretting that too. I am in the habit of getting up early, walks and exercises! But since last few days, I am rising pretty late and that has taken a toll on my health. Nothing serious, just that I feel drowsy and frail all the time! So I bounced back to my ususal routine today, but since it is a new beginning so I am yet not feeling good! May be in 2-3 days!!!
Anyways, currently I am reading a very interesting novel called ELEVEN HOURS by PAULLINA SIMONS.Actually I started THE EVENING NEWS by ARTHUR HAILEY but somehow, in the few pages which I read, I did not find it interesting! May be I would start it again later. So I chanced upon this one, and it would be finished today. It is about the kidnaping of a pregnant woman from a shopping mall, who is being trailed by her husband alongwith an FBI agent. It is good this far!
Another thing I wanted to write about is RAINCOAT. Well, I would say the best thing about this simple story is the extent to which the director has emphasised on detailing. Rituporno Ghosh has really portrayed the characters well! Although story is simple, inspired from O.Henry, you would find pleasure in discovering the little nuances, which would have gone unattended by some novice director. The added flavour is Aishwarya's close to natural acting! She has done her best job so far. She is not Aishwarya here, but Niru; and you would be almost convinced. Check it out if you are not madly into fast bikes, item numbers and nail-biting excitement!!!"Mathura Nagarpatti" by Shubha Mudgal is beautiful!

New Year Ahead

It has become more or less mandatory to wish each other a very Happy New Year, at this time of the year. So I wish a very promising and exciting new year to everyone out there. Go ahead and enjoy life! That is what it is meant for, right?
Well, speaking about my new year plans, I never had any!I have spent most of my new years quite casually, just like any other day. It is not that I don't like celebrations, but more than just passing years, it is important to sit back and take note of my life, where is it going? If at all any new year is important, it is so because I would like to ponder for sometime over how I would like this year to be and what am I going to do in that direction, for the organised sort and a plan-freak I am!
Anyways, it is a personal opinion and choice. At the end of the day, or as the case is, at the end of this wonderful year (I got a job, remember!), I wish freedom for everyone, freedom to be able to do what each one of us want to do!
See you next year!

Ethics in Romance

I have been thinking about this for sometime now. So having a blog at my disposal, what could be a better place to express my feelings!
Being a small place girl, I had only been exposed to stray cases where young girls and boys would elope and get married, only to be brought back by their parents or return themselves to their homes after realising their foolishness. What would you expect from the typical, filmi, college or sometimes scool romances! In short, I had only heard about some foolish acts in the name of love!
But what I want to talk about here is Ethics, that too in Romance!Yeah, spending one and half years at Pune has really made me more sophisticated, in terms of what I have seen and my exposure to big city life! I found girls hanging around with more than 1 boy friends, I found guys two-timing a couple of girl friends. It might seem very trivial to somebody who has seen this before. I haven't. I associate Ethics with this , because it is after all an ethical issue. After all, it is about emotions and lives. I like to believe that I have learnt to accept people as they are, but when I see these kind of people, I cannot help hating them. I know it is categorisation and judgemental on my part, but I cannot help it. I cannot help disliking a guy, who is two-timing 2 girls at a time. I cannot help hating a girl who claims to have a boy friend but moves around with some other "good friend", incidently a guy!
Somebody said,"I do not hate anyone, for I understand everyone!" Read it closely and you would realise what it means. All of us are individuals, each with our own set of experiences and backgrounds, which eventually shapes our personality. Thus, what we have seen in life, makes us what we are! When we understand people, we understand why do they do things which they do! The point is, we are tempted to catagorise people as soon as we know them. We do not try to understand the WHYs and WHATs of everything. But that is how most of us are! Although each one of us are neither good nor bad, but when we look outside, we judge others as good or bad. This is one weakness I want to conquer.
Coming back to Ethics in Romance, I cannot really write my angst about this issue in precise terms, but one thing is for sure, this world I realised recently, is full of deceit, hypocrisy and double standards! But anyways, I cannot help it. And like everything else, I guess, I would come to terms with it and would learn to live with it! That's Life. Isn't it?

Oh Brother!

I dedicate this one to my Big brother who has influenced my decisions and has been a constant source of support, especially during the times when it mattered. And I hope he remains that reference point forever!Today he came back to India and touched Bangalore in the afternoon, from San Fransisco.He had been away close to one and a half year.
Facts apart, I want my brother to find this blog entry someday and know what he means to me! Of course, words would only create something close to what I mean, but nevertheless!!!
He is four and a half years elder to me, so all through growing up years, he bullied me, taking small favours in return for promises to reciprocate with something better. So all along he showed traits of being a good politician.Who knows, may be one day....!!! Even now he pulls my leg referring to my naivete as a kid!
After completing his Xth, he left for Bhilai, and completed his XIIth there from Delhi Public School (of course, DPS has some other connotations now!!!). After that, he did his Production Engineering from BIT Sindri, then joined IIIT, Bangalore; and before he left for San Fransisco, he had worked with Caritor (then IT Solutions, Chennai & Bangalore) for close to 3 years. Thus, since the time, I was in Class 6, my brother visited us (I and my parents)only during vacations! It is altogether a different story that nobody could argue or stop him if he declared holidays every month during his Engineering days!
When people leave home early, they develop either of the two orientations---either they completely lose touch with the family or they forever dwell in a sense of longing for the family. My brother falls in the second category!
When I was completing my graduation, and had got over with my desire to be a designer, I was practically clueless about what I wanted to do next. At that time, he motivated me towards MBA, and he has always been successful in influencing my thoughts. I was not really a confident type but he has always trusted my abilities more than myself, and honestly, that has kept me going. After I achieve a certain milestone, no matter how small, he makes me feel proud of myself. He always says I am the Best, and not to be complacent or aim low because I am capable of something higher!
He is not the one who would follow rules (much to my mum's dismay), but that's how he is! He would always carry loads of books but would never study them (something which I also have picked from him). But I think he was capable of IITs and IIMs because he never really tried that hard and that seriously!He has always done, what I call, over-night preparation!
And like any other Big brother, he is extremely protective about me, to the extent that he says, had it been possible, he would have started a company for me, so that I could not be over-worked!
That's my brother!!!
Dearest Bhaiya, Welcome Back to SWADES!

My Favourite Poem: 'If' by Rudyard Kipling

Image courtesy: Wikipedia

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

What next?

When I joined IMDR, I had fixed a goal for myself, to get into Advertising. Roughly after 17 months, I have achieved that goal. The question that I face now is what next? I like to live with a goal. When we are in school, exams are our obvious goals. Same is true with college also. After college, getting into a decent professional college became my goal. At this point of time, I want a concrete goal to work on, otherwise life becomes a little directionless. There are a few things on my mind.
The first thing I want to do is be prepared for the field I am going to join in a couple of months, to be update and know the ins and outs of it! Another thing I want to do is do some research study. I realised that we do not really think about any issue as such. We read newspapers, magazines, even make passing comments or references about certain issues affecting our present environment, but we do not really THINK about it! How it affects us, if it does? For example, the feud between two Ambani brothers, the trail it is taking, the loss of market capitalisation of Reliance industries' shares; and on the other hand Sensex touching new highs--how do we relate and interprete these? There are so many things to think about. Are there not?

Movie maniac

I don't watch every Friday release but I like to call myself a movie maniac!!!I am selective about what I watch!I do not have a favourite actor or actress per se, but I have several favourite movies.
Lemme first add something more about SWADES, which I have already written about!It has the usual little moments that make you smile, it has some beautiful songs, it has a pretty heroine, and as Shahrukh would say "Main Hoon Na"! The visuals of Shahrukh in a train, bus and boat create a good impact. Besides, if you are looking for sarson ke khet and naachna-gaana in the name of village, then you would be dissappointed. OK erecting a hydroelectris power station in barely 2 weeks is difficult to digest but then apna Bollywood has always been a little larger than life on facts. The bottonline is not to pick up such faults but to understand the overall message. Gayatri is good but sometimes she is unimpressive, which is acceptable from an actress who looks that good!!!Anyways, we have so many non-actors and actresses, who don't even look good!!!
Talking about my favourite films, I guess I would have to write an entire mail on that with links.So just wait for 1-2 days.

SWADES

I saw SWADES today, well, just for the heck of it! I mean, I had not been to any movie since a long time, so SWADES seemed a wise enough choice to get back to apna Bollywood.
So, how was it?You might want to know, right? Well I would say, SWADES was LAGAAN Part II. I would not say it was good. I would not say it was bad, because that is totally an individual's choice. It is a movie which puts across a message.
One thing I have begun to appreciate in Ashutosh Gowariker is that he tries to make a movie the way this medium was intended to be. I mean, to put across a message. Look at his debute movie. Some management colleges are using that movie to study team work. This one could work for Brain Drain!!!That is the issue this movie addresses. It is forthright in saying that We, the Indians, like to blame any Tom, Dick and Harry; or may be UPA or NDA for our predicament. For every problem, we like to put the blame on the system. And the biggest problem is that we are pessimists! We want quick results. We want to get things right overnight, not willing to accept that as an individual also one could make some difference. This reminded me of the book I read on IITians by Sandipan Deb. It also mentions about the same problem that the IITians fail to realise the importance of work at the grassroots level. But of course, there have been several IITians, (as quoted in this book) who have made a difference at the lowest level.
I liked the message that this movie encapsulates. Well done, Mr. Gowariker!!! But although Shahrukh Khan is a good actor, he cries much too often!That really kills the effect. Control Yaar! Secondly, the movie also needed a certain pull, which was missing. Although Shahrukh Khan tried to put in the energy but something else was required to make it a well-told story!
For the good motive behind the movie's sake, go and watch it! Anyways we watch a lot of junk, then why not SWADES!

The Dilemma

Since this is placements season, so I cannot write about anything except Placements!So the dilemma I am talking about is that although companies, in fact good companies like TCS, HCL, FCB Ulka, Bajaj, Kotak, HDFC etc, are coming to campus but there are several cases where interests lie elsewhere. For example, some of my friends want to get into Retail or FMCG but as you can guess the companies are generally software or automobiles or financial services, so these guys are in a dilemma what to do! Because we don't know whether companies of their interest would come or not!
Life thy name is uncertainty!

My Website

I am trying to create a decent website for myself just because I have all the accessories to, so why not!!! The link is http://reemasahay.tripod.com/. It is still in the process of improvisation and a lot needs to be done but at least it has started off!I have to add so many photographs, but that would take some time!Actually now I am just jumping around to hunt for some good websites and then improvise.
But sometimes I really think, technology has done wonders!

Our First Placements Party

Well, the trend is that when people get placed they have to give party to the rest of the class, and this is done in bunch of ten people. Yesterday we had our first placements party by the first 11 people who got placed, and I was one of the hosts.
We had booked a popular disc here called 10 Downing Street, and there were only our people, that too only our classmates, so we really enjoyed! It was the best party ever in Pune!We danced a lot and after our dinner on terrace, we came back inside, relaxed and chatted. It was really sweet and warm because we never get time or indulge in chatting in that manner. It was a memorable party as most people from our batch were there.
Now we wait for the next 10 to get placed soon enough! I think we would be done with our placements by this December and would have a rocking New Year party!!!

The Moment

I am talking about the moment which changed my life!
I remember, on 4th December, after I was through with the interview, I came down to my classmates at our beloved Quadrangle--which is a square shaped space surrounded by classes, Auditorium and the office. I was unable to eat or sit or talk!!!I was just walking in circles waiting for the result. I remember everyone was nervous. Then remember, I heard people coming out of the office and I heard our placements coordinator saying 'Reema Sahay' behind me. I would not forget that moment! I cannot!Everyone rushed to congratulate me and I hugged my friends. I remember going to our Director's office and meeting the interview panel again. I remember coming out and all my friends taking me to the sacred Placements Pond!!!Well, there is a small pond which has all sorts of dried leaves and rubbish including eggs, etc.Whoever gets placed is taken there for a 'holy' dip followed by anointment with eggs!!!And believe me, people want to be there, they dream about being there!!!

My Interview

OK,Lets move on from here.

Q.Convince us that you are genuinely interested in advertising from anything that you have done or do.
A.Whenever I see an ad, I try to analyse the target audience for that particular product or sometimes I try to judge the effectiveness of the ad as regards the product. For example, sometime back I saw lots of huge hoardings on roadside of BPL mobile, which said “Thankyou BPL”. I had this curiosity about the kind of people those ads were targeting because the faces those adorned the hoardings were, what you would call as Metropolitan, and not the average Indian public. Besides, there are some ads, which are very entertaining, but we are unable to remember the brand names. Thus the residue from such ads, if you consider for the brand, is zero.

Q.Which is your favourite ad?
A.I like the AMUL hoardings very much. It is an old idea followed by the brand but still so contemporary.

Q.Which of the TV ads do you like?
A.Since I do not have TV over here so I cannot track the recent ads but yeah, during my trip back home I liked TATA AIG ad (a little boy planting a small plant which later grows to a tree through which he enters to flirt the neighbour’s daughter) & SBI Life ad (here ko kya pata ki tumhari umar kya hai). Besides, I also loved the recent ZEE Cinema’s ad (the one I described earlier).

Q.Why do you want to join FCB Ulka?
A.This is the only company I am interested in among those, which are coming for campus. I have prepared really hard for this because I do not want to lose this opportunity of getting into advertising.

Q.What did you do? How have you prepared?
A.I read the book by the Executive Director of FCB Ulka Mr M.G.Parwesaran, which is available with our library. I read several other books on advertising. I tracked several information about FCB Ulka and Advertising sector on net. I followed a few advertising mags like Pitch, USP and The Brand Reporter. I followed a few websites like agencyfaqs.com and exchange4media.com.

Q.Everyone in this institute follow these websites?
A.No, only those who are interested in advertising follow agencyfaqs.com.

Q.So if you have read so much about FCB, tell us 5 things that you remember.
A.(1) According to last year’s records, FCB was the 5th ad-agency in India (It is 4th now as told in the PPT).
(2) Recently FCB appointed three COOs for New Delhi,Mumbai and Cogito Consultancy.
(3) FCB won the account of ZEE group a few months back.
(4) It manages Whirlpool’s account also.
(5) Mr Anil Kapoor is the MD & CEO of FCB Ulka Advertising.

Q.Do you know what is Regression?
A.It is a statistical tool. But I am sorry I do not remember anything else about it.

Q.Are you interested in Media Planning?
A.Yes sir, Media Planning is an interesting field where one is responsible for assigning budgets for various media according to the effectiveness depending on the product. I know it requires a good knowledge of Statistics.

Q.What about Client Servicing?
A.Client Servicing Department is the face of the agency and it coordinates between the Client and the Agency. It thus plays an important role and is crucial in the final output or solution provided to the Client. It is an interesting field because it gives a first hand exposure to the requirements of the Clients, which forms the basis for any campaign strategy.

I think this was it. I might have forgotten one or two questions. But I think this much gives the idea about the interview.

My Interview of 4th Dec........

.....that changed everything---my Past, Present and most of the Future!
Well, at first there was a Pre Placement Talk or PPT by FCB Ulka panel, which included Ms Savita Mathai and Mr Shashi Sinha.At the beginning, they showed 10 of their ads, which included
1.AMUL
2.Mahindra Scorpio
3.Santoor
4.Sundrop Oil
5.Indigo Marina
6.naukri.com

I would like to add that the latest Zee Cinema's ad, which is about a little girl who gets abducted by dacoits and becomes a dacoit herself, and whose life changes under the influence of Zee Cinema, and she opens a dance school; is also a product of their creativity.
FCB Ulka group includes 7-8 companies, which includes FCB Ulka Advertising, Cogito Consulting, etc.
So where were we? Ya, they talked about the company, the profile that they offered and the selection procedure.
The selection procedure started off with a 10 minutes written test, which was very Kotler-ish and something about FCB also. From that test, 4 people were short-listed and I heard that I was just below the cut off or something like that. Then we had an interview.
The interview was as follows........

Q. Tell me something about yourself.
A. I am basically from Singhbhum district of Jharkhand. I did my schooling till Class 12 there and then I shifted to Orissa, from where I completed my Grad with Commerce. In 2003, I appeared for CAT (I was smart to sneak 1 year gap in between my graduation and CAT), got through NIFT, NIRMA, IISWBM and IMDR.

Q. Why did you join IMDR?
A. It was the introducing year of MBA at NIFT, so I cancelled NIFT. Another reason was that NIFT is known for Fashion Designing and the quality of Management education was uncertain. IISWBM's HR (as far as I knew) was more popular, so I ruled it out because I was interested in Marketing. Ahmedabad was politically disturbed with riots, too far away from home and nobody of acquaintanc there. Besides, they were doubling the seats, and my director at TIME also suggested that you better go to IMDR than NIRMA!
I knew an alumnus of IMDR (Gurucharan Singh Gandhi), who told me it’s all about priorities. If you are looking for huge pay for placements, IMDR is not the place to be in, but if you are looking at quality education, this is the place to be in.
When I came here, my first reaction was what do we have here???But now I realise, there's nothing else we need for a quality management education. We do not have air-conditioned auditorium or carpets here but we have enough of what is actually needed!

Q.Have you read any book in Advertising? Which one?
A.I have read FCB Ulka Brand Building Advertising. But I read it right at the time when I joined IMDR, but ya, yesterday I glanced through it again because I thought it necessary, and I am glad I did (a few questions in written paper were from that book). Actually, I found it missing from our library since 1 month but tracked it down with 1 of my classmates finally.

Q.So you must have read the cases discussed in it? Which one of them did you like?
A.I had read it thoroughly one-year back but I can tell you which one I liked. It was Santoor.

Q.Why did you like it?
A.This ad attempted to position soap in a different way which none of the other soaps were doing. Other soaps featured filmstars or soft skin but something like this (age-defying positioning) was unique.

Q.Now that you have talked about Positioning, there are 7-8 variants of Positioning. Which one of them did this ad use?
A.Benefits

Q.Which other books have you read on Advertising?
A.The Uncommon Sense of Advertising, The Craft of Copywriting, Advertsing--Pure and Simple, etc, but I try to read more of Indian authors, no matter what the subject is!

Q.Why is that?
A.Because it gives an Indian context to relate to.

Q.So you must have read fiction or non-fiction by Indian authors as well?
A.Yes sir,Scenes from an Executives life by Anurag Mathur, Kiran Bedi's biography, The IITians, etc.

Q.What's your rank in a class of 42 students?
A.10th. But I would like to add that along with the class activities, I have always been involved with the extra-curriculars like campus reporting for Maharashtra Herald, participating in inter and intra-collegiate festivals, being part of editorial boards for close to five years!

Guys, I would continue the remaining part of the interview tomorrow because I have got to rush.OK, so just wait for one more day.
Thankx guys for visiting my Blog!
Take Care

Post-FCB Ulka selection

When I look back now I feel how things change in a matter of hours! How at one time, you try to get somewhere, and how in just few hours, you reach there! Life is truly amazing. But I must say one more thing. The confidence I had just before FCB came to our campus was amazing. Some how God had already indicated to me that this was my calling and my time had come! Contrary to what my brother says, I believe whatever happens, happens for good. When you don't get what you want, you complain but later on you realise that in fact that thing was not what you were meant for! For example, at some point I was crazy about NIFT but somehow I could not get through. In fact, I was the 15th one when they had to select 14 people from General category for 20 seats of Fashion Communication. At that time, I felt that I was the most unfortunate person. I realise now that I was meant to get into Advertising. Rest is all history!And I appreciate every bit of it because history has shaped my present!

Got Placed!!!

Yeah, I got placed, and that too in FCB ULKA, nothing less. When I look back at the string of things, I feel it is really a dream come true. Last year I came to know FCB visits our campus. But they take only one, and I was not sure that could be me! Since the time I joined MBA I wanted to get into advertising, but did not know how! To come to think of it, it is really difficult! PGDM from MBA and Advertising????!!! But there I was, skimming thru advertising books like FCB ULKA Brand Building, advertising, or The uncommon sense of advertising or the craft of copywriting. I must say I have worked hard, really hard!! I used to spend hours reading Economic Times, Indian Express, Business World, magazines on Advertising--Pitch, Brand Reporter and USP, and websites like agencyfaqs.com & exchange4media.com. I have spent fewer hours in sleeping in Pune than what normally people spend. I have done campus reporting, poetry writing, publishing blogs and designing website. I have read endless number of pages of industry information.
And before I finish, I have reading like a crazy since a couple of days, reading Kotler in between PPTs of other companies, reading cut outs on client servicing, info on FCB Ulka.
So don't you think, I deserved this???
For now I am extremely happy and thankful to God! He gave me exactly what I asked for with all conditions fulfilled. Actually, I believe God is a little biased on my side!

To keep your cool!

Our placements season is on. Some really good companies are coming to campus. I remember in May when election results were announced, people were so much worried after the sensex dipped. But when we look at the number of jobs those have been created this year, the opportunities seem to be plenty.
The problem is when your friends start getting placed being happy for them is one thing, and keeping your cool is another. When you are surrounded by people who are placed and are realxed, you are a little worried about your own future. I am glad this feeling has not affected me as yet! Because the kind of companies, no matter how good, which are coming into campus is not where I want to be. My priority is Advertising. And I have a feeling that I would get it.
I had never dreamt in life that I would do MBA, I always wanted to be a Fashion Designer.But later I realise Advertising is a much more creative field and it affects all of us in one way or the other. Designers are still considered for niche market(some marketing jargons!).Thus since the time I decided about MBA, I knew it has to be advertising. In fact most of the people in campus know where I want to be. I have been so voluble about my objective.
At the end of the day, I trust that
"Whatever happens, happens for good!"