This post was first published on Parentous - the Parenting Blog.
When I discovered I was pregnant, I secretly wished for a boy. But my reasons were different from the conventional reasons of either carrying the family name or having somebody to take care of us in the old age.
When I discovered I was pregnant, I secretly wished for a boy. But my reasons were different from the conventional reasons of either carrying the family name or having somebody to take care of us in the old age.
From
my own experiences as a girl, from my observations of immediate surroundings as
well as from all the news, information and incidents around us, my perceived
issues of raising a girl were:
a. She would be expected to
fit into the stereotypical roles, if not by us, by the extended family or
people she would meet outside family or society at large.
b. Protecting her from the
dangers lurking in every corner – child abuse, molestation, eve-teasing, to
name a few.
c. Building good self-image
and self-esteem. Because of the continuous messages from the media, several
girls suffer from poor self-image or have poor body image. They are
perpetually concerned about diet and body, sometimes going to extreme. It
affects their self-esteem too.
d. Am I ready to give her
the kind of freedom she deserves? It is easier said than done that we would
give as much freedom to a daughter as we would to a son, because it is not
about trust on the child, it is more about her safety.
e. Girls are complicated and
mature. They may even start asking the purpose of life at as early an age as 7.
This can be a blessing as well as challenging.
Of
course, there would be more issues but these were the ones which were on my
mind. And if you ask me, in current context the most challenging is
building a good self-image and good body image in girls. We are
continuously surrounded by one or the other media and each one of them
manipulate us in believing that if you are not fair enough or thin enough, you
shouldn’t exist. Getting attention from the opposite sex should be the ultimate
goal in life for every girl! It is hard enough dealing with this as a girl; I
cannot imagine what I had done to deal with this as a mother of a daughter at
an impressionable age.
As I
had wished, I was blessed with a son and not a daughter. Did you say I was at
peace? No! Ironically, my challenges are mostly the same.
- A man is also expected to
fit into stereotypes – so if you are not chivalrous, you are an MCP!
- I have read enough
articles and this very good book called Bitter Chocolate
by Pinki Virani which opened my eyes to the fact that Child
Sexual Abuse is rampant and not gender specific. Girls as well as boys are
susceptible to it. In fact, unlike girls, boys are not even conditioned to
judge whether a touch is fatherly or filthy.
- Perhaps boys have less
body image issues, but there are serious safety issues. Boys are restless
and energetic. Acceptance in peer group is important and they take a
lot of risks in ascertaining their toughness among peer group. Drug
and alcohol issues are also more common among boys than girls.
Having
said all these, I may point out that I am still a new mother, anticipating
challenges to be able to deal with them when the time comes. Perhaps I am
evaluating extremes but parents are a worried lot, as you know.
Let me
share a secret, I strongly believe that a son is a son till he gets a wife
while a daughter is a daughter for life. :-)
