Monday, September 15, 2008

Where the Mind is with Fear

The more and more I observe myself, I see a lot of Monica (of FRIENDS) in me. No matter how much I plan that I will not do any cleaning work on a holiday, I end up cleaning something or the other for the entire day. I don’t know how I manage to come up something or the other on every single holiday! Even my brother is completely convinced that I am Monica personified.

This Sunday was no different. I planned not to do any cleaning stuff and just read some good books, but can you trust me for that!

I did manage to go out for a while but that too at the wrong time. Yesterday was Ganapati Visarjan and wherever we went we found patches of crowd. Strangely, we did not find any traffic jams though. All the signals were made “free”, which was a really good thing. But I could not help thinking about the bomb blasts which hit Delhi the previous day.

I remember when we were kids, bomb blasts used to be the last thing on our minds. We did not know about any such thing, at least as something which could affect our daily lives. But since last couple of years, especially after moving to Mumbai, three years back, it has come to become something which happens in close quarters. Every festival or celebration is marred by the fear of any untoward incident. There is tremendous anxiety in stepping out of our homes on festivals or holidays. You tend to avoid going out to places which are most crowded, like Malls, Crowded markets or Cinema Halls. What has become of our world? Festivals were supposed to be occasions when you forgot everything and engage in celebrations with pure abandon. Not any more!

I hate to admit but yes, I was afraid to roam around the streets yesterday, when places were supposed to be crowded due to Visarjan. I did go inside a mall but I literally forced my husband out of it in a couple of minutes. I was not at ease.

I do love my life in cities and unlike several people I don’t intend or dream of going back to the small place where I spent my childhood. I like it much better here – with much more convenience and better opportunities. But I cannot help reminiscing about the carefree childhood days. The holidays were all about going out and having fun with friends. We would have been aghast at any suggestion of not going out on such days. But today, we do have to think about a lot of things.

We are living in strange and difficult times. Really!

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