Make Up

The one which is done with cosmetics.

The only makeup I ever use is a Kajal and some moisturiser, irrespective of the event/place I am going to – taking my toddler son for a stroll or a wedding reception or a movie, anything. It is not because I detest make up. In fact, I would love to be able to (as they say) ‘camouflage my flaws and highlight my best features’ but all these years I neither had the talent nor the inclination to learn the art of makeup.

The only time in my life when I have been ‘made up’ had been (no points in guessing) on my wedding. When I look at those pictures, I am barely able to recognise myself.

I am always in awe of women who expertly use make up and transform into a glamour queen. I certainly wish I had that talent.

When I was getting married, I also did the whole hog – buying all sorts of cosmetics like eye liner, mascara, lipsticks, lip pencil, eye shadows (the 2-tier one) from Lakme and Chambor. I never used any of those cosmetics, since the make-up lady used her own on me. After about 2 years of my wedding, I had to travel for my sister-in-law’s wedding. It was then that I realised that I had a so-called make-up kit, tucked away in some corner of my house, which was no longer usable  So, what did I do? I bought a couple of new cosmetics for the wedding. I did use the lipstick once or twice. But guess what prompted this post? I just had to throw those cosmetics, since they are past their usability.

Despite reading over and over again about the importance of using Sun Screen, I don’t even use that and get tanned. Heck, I don’t even apply nail polish on my toes (or fingers). (That is plain laziness, I admit). The only thing I love is Kajal. I can’t do without it. I believe, it transforms my face. I use one from Chambor in black. I have also tried grey colour once, because the sales girl pushed it on me. I also make it a point to take off the kajal with olive oil at night.

Nevertheless, I wish I could use makeup sometimes. It wouldn’t have hurt to look good once in a while.

My husband insists I look good without make up, which tells less about my looks and more about his ability to keep peace at home. Husbands! I tell you!

Lunch Ideas for Toddlers

This post was first published on Humpty Bumpty Kids.

It is legendary that toddlers are fussy eaters. You can break your heads unravelling the mystery of how your perfect child who ate all you offered turned into such a picky eater, or rise up to the challenge. You cannot alter the natural developmental phase of kids, so it is better to accept it and take it in your stride.

A few things to remember: 

• Focus only on the bigger picture. You have to provide your child enough Carbohydrates, Fats, Proteins, Vitamins and Minerals during the course of the day. Achieve that through a smart combination of cereals, pulses, animal protein, milk and milk products, fruits and vegetables. If he does not want to have dal rice, offer rice separately, and he can drink dal like soup. 
• Kids are not compelled or motivated by nutrition of the food served, unlike grown-ups. If it does not appeal to them, they would not even try it. So, the food has to be appealing. 
• Strictly observe a 2-3 hours gap between meals. If your toddler keeps munching one thing or the other, he would obviously not be hungry enough at the time for the meal. 
• Limit your child’s milk intake. Doctors advise that a toddler does not require more than 2 small glasses of milk (i.e. 200 – 250 ml approx.). If he drinks half litre milk, naturally he will not be sufficiently hungry for the food. And remember, at 1-3 years of age, a child needs nutrition through a variety of food, and not just milk.
• Little kids emulate what their parents do. So, you have to lead by example.
• Encourage them to eat on their own. For example, when I try feeding my toddler a roti, he just out rightly refuses to open his mouth; but when I encourage him to eat a piece of the roti on his own, he eats it. 
• Offer lots of vegetables at every opportunity. Add a variety of veggies in Sambhar, Poha, Pulao, Noodles, Pasta, etc. A mix of vegetables not only provides different kinds of essential vitamins and minerals, they also add colour to the food and make it attractive. 

And finally, here are few quick lunch ideas for your picky eaters which have worked for me:

• Risotto : When my son refuses to eat rice, I use this recipe to revamp the rice and present a more sumptuous version of it. 
• Besan (gram flour) pancakes: It tastes yummy with honey. 
• Spinach and corn soup: Quite filling and extremely nutritious. 
• Brown bread and omelette: Add veggies like mushroom, tomato, onion, capsicum to omelette to make it tastier. Add a little milk while beating the egg to make the omelette extra soft. 
• Sweet pancakes: It is always the Plan B for me (at the moment) when my baby refuses to eat what is cooked for lunch. It is ready in a jiffy. Just make a batter of regular aata (wheat flour) with sugar and water. Add some raisins. Heat a little oil in a pan (uniformly spread out so as to coat the entire cooking surface), put a dollop of the batter and spread it out in a circular motion like dosa. Cook it on both sides and serve.

Here are a few more recipes that busy mommies can try.

Toddlers are at an exciting yet impressionable age. It is the right time to introduce all kinds of food to them. They get bored easily so the idea is to engage them by offering different things or at least altering the presentation!

Being An Equal Parent

This Post was first published on Parentous - the Parenting blog.

‘Equal Parent’ – I first noticed this word in the book ‘Raising Boys’ by Steve Biddulph. An ‘Equal Parent’, as the term suggests, is a parent who shares the parenting roles and responsibilities equally, believing them as his own and not as doing favours or helping out his other half.

Read on and may be you would find resonance of your own thoughts.

Case 1

The other day, I told my friend (also a stay-at-home mom to a 19 month old toddler) that I went for a movie and shopping over the weekend, and reached back home only after 7-8 hours.

She was bewildered that my son stayed with his dad for so long without crying for mom.

I told her, ‘And why should he be crying? He was with his dad after all.’

In her household, she is the one who is on 24 hours beck-and-call of the sonny boy. She feeds him all his meals, massages, gives him bath, takes him for stroll and puts him to sleep. All that over and above cooking all meals herself (that includes giving dabba to hubby dear).

Case 2

Another friend is a working mom to a 20 month old little girl. She depends heavily on her in-laws for taking care of her baby when she goes off to work. She confided in me that her husband would play with the little one but only when he felt like it, otherwise he would not help out in any baby-related work. Had it not been for her in-laws, she would not have been able to continue with her job.

What is it with dads really? And of course, I am not talking about ALL dads but SOME dads who choose NOT to be an EQUAL PARENT. And of course, my judgement is not on the basis of these 2 cases but I have come across several of them. I see women getting miserable trying to manage everything on their own, with little help from their husbands.

I would not dwell too much on what used to happen earlier because we are all aware of that. But right now it is the need of the hour to share equal responsibilities of raising children between husband and wife or partners. Both bring different things to the table.

The main issue which I find in several households is that fathers assume that mothers know how to do everything for the baby perfectly, and they would not be able to do those things well themselves. But the truth is except carrying the baby and nursing, there is no other thing in which a mother has an edge over fathers. But the dads first need to believe that they can do it.

Several men from traditional families also believe that what women do at home – like keeping house and raising children – are easy. Of course, not true again! I have been a professional and a stay-at-home mom at different times, and I can say without batting my eyelid that raising a child is much more difficult. All your days are not hectic at work but with a young child you always have to be on your toes, whether you are feeling up to it or not. You get tea breaks and lunch breaks at work. But mothers don’t have that luxury at home until the time the little one naps. How to sneak into bathroom also requires strategic thinking. You have your food at leisure, while the mother bangs her head to many failed projects of making the young one eat a proper meal.

Over and above everything else, being a part of your child’s every day routine is rewarding and a matter of pride. And it is also an opportunity to live the lesson of equality rather than just preach.

Note: This post is dedicated to my husband who has been an equal parent from Day 1. From cooking for a nauseated wife during pregnancy to taking over baby care in the early days immediately after delivery, from teaching me a thing or two on how to put our baby to sleep to doing everything with deft to this day for our ‘star’, he has risen up to every occasion. 

Why not Loiter? [the 'me-time' day]

Warning: This is going to be a very long post, and may seem like I am making up for all those posts which-might-have-been!

I have been feeling a little stressed lately. Call it stress or boredom or whatever, but I wanted a break from the everyday routine. It is not that I ever regret my decision to be a Stay-at-home-Mom. That has been one of the best and best-timed decisions ever, but we all need a little break, now don’t we?

My husband, as I have mentioned often, is quite cooperative and accommodating, and he has been asking me to go out with friends. But I say, what friends?! I don’t have any (more)! The only friend who is around is my next-door neighbour but I can’t expect her to drop everything and go out with me all the time. I have been to movies and shopping with her a couple of times after the little one turned one.

So, this time I decided, I need to go out alone and just wander, do nothing. Just like old times. During college times, I went for a play and a movie all by myself. The play was ‘Vagina Monologues’ and the movie was ‘Bride and Prejudice’. Nobody wanted to go with me for either. I even went for film festivals alone or sometimes with another friend (not from my group). It used to be fun.

To come back to the day in question, I was super-excited about venturing on my own after I don’t even remember how long. I am sure not less than 3 years. I had decided I would wander inside Phoenix Market City which is quite near my home. I wanted to spend a lot of time at Crossword (which incidentally has a Sale going on since yesterday), Landmark (which has been running the fabulous 3-for-2 offer for such a long time now) and of course Café Coffee Day (for my relaxed cup of Cappuccino). I also wanted to check out some stores to pick a few activities stuff for the little one. So the plan was set.

Now the question was how would I reach the destination! The last time I was driving on my own was sometime in 2010. So you see, I did not want to stress myself on whether I would make it to the mall, on the day I wanted to relax! So, I booked a cab for myself.

The next problem was I did not have much cash with me and no change. I just had 1000 bucks, and a single currency. Ok, I was going to the mall but I still had to pay the cab on both sides. Besides, I hate going out without enough cash on me. It is my habit to always, always have atleast the cash to pay for whatever I may want to buy and for the cabs, especially if I am going alone. I hate it when the stores tell me that they don’t accept card, so you gotta run to get cash. That is not my style. Well, anyways, there’s an ATM right across our street. But somehow my card was invalid. I guess, because of months of no usage (physical usage, I mean; of course I do online shopping). I panicked and started calling up my husband to come outside with his card, and with every ring my temper was flaying because he was not picking up the phone, conveniently forgetting the hundreds of times I have done the same. At such desperate times, the shopkeepers also refuse to give change.  Somehow I pleaded to my kirana-wala to loan me Rs 250. Then I finally left for the mall. I must admit, I was not happy with how things were shaping up.

Once I was settled inside the cab and telling directions to the drievr, I started calling up family and friends to catch up peacefully. When I am at home, I am never able to talk properly on phone because, as all parents of little kids would know, my baby would not let me. And since I always keep my eyes on the road no matter who is driving, I averted a small accident. Just the second, my driver decided to peek inside his shirt pocket, an auto moved in front of our cab because of road repair work. I shouted just in time to get his attention. Well, things were not looking too good, were they?

Once I reached the Phoenix Market City at Nagar Road, I had to march the length and breadth of two floors to finally locate Crossword. I decided to check out Crossword first because they have a Sale going on since 23^rd March (Saturday). I went to Crossword after very long, but I must say, they still disappoint me. I find a huge difference in the staff of Crosswords and Landmark. In the former, several books are kept on wrong sections (sometimes, horribly mismatched sections) but at Landmark the staff usually know their books. I still managed to buy 3 books for Rs 1005 at 25% discount (plus I had a GV of 100 bucks from some contest on FB), which I think was cool. They had slab-wise discounts for different MRP books. The books I bought were:

• The Sanjay Story by Vinod Mehta
• The Lost Continent: Travels in Small Town America by Bill Bryson
• The Greatest Show on Earth: Writings on Bollywood by Jerry Pinto

My next stop was Landmark. Though I fell for 3 books to make the most of their 3-for-2 offer but I dropped them. I bought 6 books from Landmark just 2 weeks back and add 3 from Crossword today, plus all the review books. I should not be buying any books in the first place! I ventured into the stationery section and picked up a 300-photos’ Album which I wanted to get for a long time. The Album is quite simple but there is space to write something next to each picture. I have been planning to develop the little one’s pictures for so long now, before this project becomes too much to handle. We already have a hard disk full of his pictures. Hail, the digital cameras!

I also picked up a Monthly planner (to write day-specific plans and commitments) and a diary for myself. I also bought one more miniboard book of ABC. Have you seen these books? Why do they put such big words like Aeroplane, Ambulance, etc. In my opinion, it should not be beyond Bat, Cat, Rat.

I also got a Bubble maker for him.

Then I went to Café Coffee Day. I settled with Capuccino, Bruschetta and the book “Why Loiter?” [pun unintended]. I spent about half or quarter of an hour there.

I went to Star Bazaar at the end to pick up some groceries and look for some interesting stuff for the little one to play with. You know how kids like to play with anything that is not a toy! I picked up colourful paper cups for him; mushroom, corn etc for pizza toppings (since we were planning to make Pizza today); some other veggies; cakes (I can never resist cakes) and then there was no stopping me till it dawned on me that I will have to carry all the stuff myself [I will dwell more on this point a little later]. I asked the billing guy if I would be allowed to take the trolley outside otherwise I was planning to remove half the things.

Getting out of the Mall with all those stuff, locating the taxi and lugging the entire stuff into it was another ordeal.

It was an eventful day, and it made me realize a lot of things:

• I need to get back to driving as soon as possible. I have no patience for cab drivers. They are the worst kind of drivers on the roads. Plus it is convenient to take your own car. 
• I need to start going out alone more often. Today, surprisingly, I was feeling a little nervous because I have got used to chaperoning. I never go on my own, so never have to bother about parking, getting cab, carrying stuff, etc. I was a little lost today. I used to be such an independent girl! 
• It gives me the ‘me-time’ I crave for. It was not a scintillating experience today but I am sure there will be new experiences, and I will not be going to malls every time. I am not too fond of them. I like quaint little stores.

NOTE: I am going to do ‘the Reluctant Cook’ series soon. I have been doing few experimentations in the kitchen, and we also made Pizza, Pasta etc. Pizza turned out extremely lip-smacking. I am never going to order Pizza any more. More on that later.

The Memory of a Humiliation

I saw the movie Table No. 21 recently. While the movie was quite good, it brought back some bad memories. Not that one could ever forget a humiliation. I remember every single one of my life.

I still cannot forget that first day in college when two senior girls accosted me, right in front of the office inside college, and asked me to sing the popular item song of those days. To some it may not sound much, but for me, who never had such experience before, it was terribly shameful! Yes, I was humiliated at that moment.

After that when the classes started, we came to know we had to dress up in a mismatched way for one month (a combination of a shirt, a salwar, a dupatta, slippers, half the hair tied up, half of it kept open, and so on and so forth). We attended our classes like that. We were free to opt out of this ‘induction’ programme but with a caveat that we would officially be an outcast for the entire course duration. It would not have mattered much, in retrospect, to a terribly unsocial person like me!

Well, I have never been the one who stands up against the tide, in such cases. Perhaps I had come to accept that when everyone is getting humiliated, it is tolerable.

But it still haunts me. I have never been able to respect those people who meted out such humiliations to their juniors. It spoke so much about their characters.

The college also had a tradition of assigning a senior mentor for a junior mentee. It is anybody’s guess that this idea must have been the brain child of a frustrated moron to get to know the junior girls. But luckily, my mentor was a gentleman. Initially, when I came to know about this whole mentor-mentee thing, I was extremely pissed off. I expressed my thoughts even to my mentor who was quite amused.

When I became a senior, I just steered clear of this whole induction business. I cannot humiliate other people for fun, just because everyone else is doing it.

The other day I was discussing about the ‘induction’ programme with my husband, who was also my batch-mate at that time. He does not think much of those times. Well, every person’s threshold is different. Frankly, I was not asked to do much beyond dressing up like an idiot and singing some songs. But nobody should be given that kinds of power on you that they make you do things which are humiliating for you.

If I could live that time again, I would have opted out of that stupid programme which, people reasoned, made you ready for the big bad corporate world (*rolling my eyes*). On a lighter note, I could have used those hours productively in the library. Our college had a superb library and an awesome collection of magazines and periodicals. 

Living life in the Present

"Whatever you're meant to do, do it now. The conditions are always impossible." — Doris Lessing

When I read this quotation somewhere, it immediately clicked with me. Most of us wait for that perfect time to do something or the other. Like I used to dream that when I would not be working, I would read like a maniac. When I actually stopped working, I was pregnant. I spent almost all of pregnancy at home but I read far less number of books that I would have read otherwise. Most of the times I did not feel like doing anything, overwhelmed by severe nausea for almost the entire tenure. After the baby arrived, I hardly had time. Well, it is always going to be that way. One always gets occupied by something or the other.

Recently, I was having a conversation with my mother and she had similar thoughts. She spent all her energy and time in taking care of the family and children, thinking that she would focus on herself after fulfilling her responsibilities. Now after both her children are married and settled, she has problems in her eyes related to nerves, since last 2-3 years. It is difficult to even walk or do any work. She does not like going out too much because first of all, she cannot go anywhere alone. Even if she goes to some place with dad or the family, she finds it embarrassing to make a conversation because she cannot look people in the eye. She has no control on the movement of the eyelids. She has traveled to Paris, Barcelona and Kashmir in this condition, of course without her will. She had always nursed dreams of going to Kashmir, romanticized by the movies of her times. Now that she went there, she did not enjoy that much because of her eyes. She tells me, I will advise everyone not to wait for some time in the future to live their lives. Wise words indeed!

I will throw in another example. When I was working, we would usually go to malls for shopping because there was never enough time to hunt small boutiques for exclusive stuff or novelties. I and my friend would often discuss that once we both quit our jobs we would dedicate complete days to each area in Pune for discovering quaint eateries and interesting boutiques. Well, we both are not working currently – I am not working since last 2 years, while she since last 6 months, we haven’t gone on a single shopping spree.

So, in this New Year, I intend to live life in the present and not in the future.

Raising Boys vs. Raising Girls

This post was first published on Parentous - the Parenting Blog. 

When I discovered I was pregnant, I secretly wished for a boy. But my reasons were different from the conventional reasons of either carrying the family name or having somebody to take care of us in the old age.

 From my own experiences as a girl, from my observations of immediate surroundings as well as from all the news, information and incidents around us, my perceived issues of raising a girl were:

a. She would be expected to fit into the stereotypical roles, if not by us, by the extended family or people she would meet outside family or society at large.

b. Protecting her from the dangers lurking in every corner – child abuse, molestation, eve-teasing, to name a few.

c. Building good self-image and self-esteem. Because of the continuous messages from the media, several girls suffer from poor self-image or have poor body image. They are perpetually concerned about diet and body, sometimes going to extreme. It affects their self-esteem too.

d. Am I ready to give her the kind of freedom she deserves? It is easier said than done that we would give as much freedom to a daughter as we would to a son, because it is not about trust on the child, it is more about her safety.

e. Girls are complicated and mature. They may even start asking the purpose of life at as early an age as 7. This can be a blessing as well as challenging.

Of course, there would be more issues but these were the ones which were on my mind. And if you ask me, in current context the most challenging is building a good self-image and good body image in girls. We are continuously surrounded by one or the other media and each one of them manipulate us in believing that if you are not fair enough or thin enough, you shouldn’t exist. Getting attention from the opposite sex should be the ultimate goal in life for every girl! It is hard enough dealing with this as a girl; I cannot imagine what I had done to deal with this as a mother of a daughter at an impressionable age.

As I had wished, I was blessed with a son and not a daughter. Did you say I was at peace? No! Ironically, my challenges are mostly the same.

1. A man is also expected to fit into stereotypes – so if you are not chivalrous, you are an MCP!
2. I have read enough articles and this very good book called Bitter Chocolate by Pinki Virani which opened my eyes to the fact that Child Sexual Abuse is rampant and not gender specific. Girls as well as boys are susceptible to it. In fact, unlike girls, boys are not even conditioned to judge whether a touch is fatherly or filthy.
3. Perhaps boys have less body image issues, but there are serious safety issues. Boys are restless and energetic. Acceptance in peer group is important and they take a lot of risks in ascertaining their toughness among peer group. Drug and alcohol issues are also more common among boys than girls.

Having said all these, I may point out that I am still a new mother, anticipating challenges to be able to deal with them when the time comes. Perhaps I am evaluating extremes but parents are a worried lot, as you know.

Let me share a secret, I strongly believe that a son is a son till he gets a wife while a daughter is a daughter for life. :-)

A few things to do this Year

I am a list maniac. I make lists all the time like things to buy, things to do for home, for self, for kiddo, list of books to buy, and so on and so forth. I find solace and confidence in my lists.
So, I thought why not to put together some thoughts on things to do in 2013:

1. First and foremost, I want to be a regular on both my blogs. I have been blogging since 2004 but sporadically. So, this year, I commit to at least 1 post on each blog every week between Monday to Sunday - any day, anything.
2. I am planning to read atleast 48 books this year, averaging 4 every month. Looks completely doable. But my hubby pointed out that I read only 21 last year, so I should target 25 and then if I do more, I will be feel great. Really! we know each other for 9 years now, but he is yet to learn few things about me. 
3. I usually review almost every book that I read. I plan to do 40 or more book reviews in 2013.
4. I was fortunate to get back to my original weight (54 kgs) without making any effort from my side. But I recently noticed that I have put on 3 kgs in last 2-3 months. I plan to shed that and go back to 53 kgs. 
5. Post-baby, all mommies would agree, the issue is not so much about the weight loss but the difficulty of getting back into shape. So, this year, I have to focus on that. And I know, I am never going to join any gym or classes. Those things are not meant for me.
6. I am naturally an impatient and quick-tempered person, so I need to cultivate patience in me. It does not come naturally to me. But I really really want to learn to be more patient.
7. All pending home decor things which I have been dreaming since the time we moved into our home 4 years back, will have to be completed this year. We did 2-3 things but many things remain on the 'to-be-done' list.
8. I will focus on a healthy lifestyle and healthy eating habits. This will also include getting up early and organizing my days better. I want to find time for myself, so that I can read more. I read general fiction-non fiction books and parenting articles, so I need to find separate time for each.
9. Reduce the clutter. Give away things which I have been hoarding for so long but never used!
10. This year I plan to join a library and do justice to it.
11. Plan vacations in advance so that we can make trips to new places with complete research and plan.
12. I have been planning to make photo albums for so long now. This year, I am going to finish this project. I do not trust technology, and don't want to lose the thousands of pictures and memories!
13. Spend lots of time with the little one, which I am already doing but I need to make the most of it. This is the last year when both of us would spend so much time with each other. He is going to start school by the end of this year, most probably :-(
14. That reminds me, I need to research on Playschools around my place. First I need to figure out what kind of Playschool I want for him.
15. I would like to explore writing opportunities this year. I am not going back to any full time job right now but feature writing interests me.
16. I need to make time to catch up with family and friends.

So, far these things are on high priority this year. I hope I accomplish all of them. I would keep revisiting these points to check my progress and I may add a few more things 'to-do' this year.

Judging other women

Most of us are inclined to be judgemental all the time. And that includes me.

We would often ‘judge’ the actresses who had chosen to marry already-married actors / producers / directors (read Hema Malini, Sridevi). Long time back when I read about Sridevi and Boney Kapoor’s marriage, and a slew of gossip articles over the years on how Sridevi distanced Boney Kapoor from his children from first marriage; I always felt it was wrong of her to marry a married man in the first place and then create a rift between him and his children.

Recently, the PEOPLE magazine featured Sridevi on its cover page with her daughters. In the Cover story, I came to know that actually it was Boney Kapoor who pursued Sridevi relentlessly for 15 years before she agreed to marry him. Suddenly, my perception of her changed completely. And most importantly, I was ashamed of being so quick to judge someone I knew nothing about and that too a fellow-woman.

That is the problem with women. And that includes me too. We often place the blame on other women, are far too quick to judge them.

As mothers, we judge the choices of other mothers. If someone chooses to bottle-feed, we think the mother is not putting enough effort. If someone chooses to get back to work fast, we judge her for being so focused on her career. If someone chooses to be home, we feel it is not really the need but laziness.

As working women, we criticize other working women. If someone sticks to the office working hours, we feel they are just looking at the clock all the time and not serious about their work. If somebody goes beyond the working hours, we feel the woman is too ambitious.

And certainly this does not end here. There is always power tussle between a mother-in-law and a daughter-in-law, women co-workers and so on and so forth. If we started sticking to each other and standing up for each other, so many of our problems will be solved. Isn’t it? 

May this year we stand up for each other!

Some Nostalgia, a Few Good things and New Year Resolutions!

Yesterday one thing led to another and I ended up reading old posts on this blog. Really old ones, from 2004 and 2005. The most obvious part is of course I used to write a lot then. Right now the posts take shape only in my mind, they never get keyed in. I have said this enough number of times, but being a primary caregiver to a toddler is a challenging and overwhelming job. It is a wonder how I read and review a few books and contribute (though not too frequently) to two parenting websites.

Coming back to the topic, my life has changed so much. I would have never imagined in 2004 that my life would take shape in the way it did. I was an MBA student then, this blog chronicles my student days, my fears, getting a job, challenges and loneliness of living and working in Mumbai, shifting jobs and cities, about my family, about getting married, married life, my hobbies and my thoughts. So much of my life is here!

Since I am actually writing here after quite some time, not considering the reposts of my write-ups, I want to write about some good things:

• I wanted to read 35 books but I have managed about 20 or so. But I am glad I read some amazing books this year and I was more or less disciplined in reviewing each one of them. I will target 35-40 next year. 
• I have been getting a lot of books from different publishers for review and that feels great too. What more can a book lover ask for, if not for a perennial flow of books! Of course, I am not able to keep up with the pace but I try my best. 
• I still buy a lot of books and will continue to do so. I am not into jewellery or branded clothes or partying, books are my only extravagance! 
• I watched a few movies in the hall. From the third trimester of my pregnancy till the time my son turned one, I had not seen any movie in a hall. So, in the last 3 months, I went for 4 movies with a friend (movie with hubby in a hall is not going to happen for some more time): Cocktail, Jab Tak Hai Jaan, English Vinglish and Talaash. I loved 3 out of 4 movies, and JTHJ wasn’t my idea. 
• We went for 2 out of station road trips after our son turned one – first one to the Kashid beach and the second one to Ganpati Pule. The first one was with another couple friend, the drive was of 5-6 hours; while the second trip had just us and the drive was for 9 hours. Both went smooth and were quite a lot of fun. Both places have relatively unexplored and therefore very clean beaches. 
• Doesn’t feel like it but we completed 5 years of marriage! We agreed we will not gift each other anything and rather buy something for home for memory sake. But I bought a watch for him from the Timex Expedition series while he got me the Philips Hair straightener. And hey, who does not like gifts! 
• My son is at a very naughty yet adorable age. Every day he comes up with innovative ways to make my life miserable, no I mean, he is just curious but eventually it turns out to be a lot of work. And he also does such cute antics that we forget all the naughty stuff he does! 
• This Diwali, we got a nameplate with his name too. It looks really cute.
• We also finally got a cute little Mandir for our home, just the way I wanted. Since our baby is only 16 months now, so there was no chance of doing Diwali Pooja on the floor, so I thought why don’t we get a Mandir, which we have anyways been planning since ages! 
• I have given up watching TV, completely. It never occurs to me to switch on the TV even when I am raking my brains to think of something to do with my sonny boy. I don’t want him to get into the habit of watching TV. 
• I had reduced to my original weight of 54 Kgs (without any effort from my side) but now I realise that I am again piling on some weight. So, I need to start my morning walks pretty soon. 

At the moment, I am at peace with myself, happy for what I have and excited about future. I never planned how things turned out, so what’s the point in planning what is going to happen in future. Most of my energy goes in keeping pace with a very curious toddler.

So, the New Year is fast approaching and my resolutions are going to be the same: 

• Read More
• Write More
• Lose Weight; and two  new ones
• Go slow, enjoy each moment at its face value. We have got so used to multi-tasking that we have stopped enjoying one activity for itself. We need to get back to the basics and start enjoying things more.
• Have patience with the little one

Gender Stereotyping the Kids

This Post was first published on Parentous - the Parenting blog.

Instance 1.

I and ‘the star’ were going for our evening stroll. The star, all of 15 months now, is a little shy in front of the strangers. In the lift, we met an uncle from the building.

Uncle: “Why are you hiding behind your mom? What makes you so shy? Are you a girl?”

(I got really pissed off on hearing this)

Me: “What is wrong in being shy? He is just a kid, not comfortable with strangers.”

Uncle (immediately got defensive): “Beta, don’t mind, I was just joking.”

Instance 2.

A group of boys, all aged between 9-11, were playing football in front of my building.

I and ‘the star’, were going back home. I overheard 1 boy telling the other boys, about one of them.

“This guy always says no to everything”

Then he looked at the boy in question and said, “are you a girl?”

Then looking at other boys, said “I think he was supposed to be a girl but by mistake he was born a boy!”

Instance 1 is a small example of how our kids are subjected to gender stereotyping in day-to-day life, while Instance 2 is another small example of its impact on young minds. They form opinions, categorize and judge each other, and grow up to become prejudiced individuals.

No wonder this couple went too far in protecting their child from getting stereotyped and stifling his real personality.

What is Gender Stereotyping?

Gender Stereotyping is basically putting down someone because of their “sex” or not believing they are able to do something because they are either male or female. [Source: Wiki Answers]

What is the impact of Gender Stereotyping on kids?

When you start judging a person’s capabilities on the basis of gender, you are doing him or her grave injustice.

I believe, all the issues related to gender discrimination and gender insensitivity spring from stereotyping. When you start judging a person’s capabilities on the basis of gender, you are doing him or her grave injustice. What is worse is that at some point we start believing that it is okay to do so.

At home, kids observe parents and their roles, their interaction with each other and their expectations from children, which initially shapes their outlook about gender roles. Eventually, this reflects strongly in their self-image and opinions about their capabilities.

Why should our children feel less capable or, conversely, more privileged because of their gender?

As a parent we have a huge responsibility of opening their minds and sensitizing them about gender issues. The reason being even if at home we give them a neutral environment, outside of home they would encounter discrimination at every step.

We have to make sure that we are raising well-rounded, unbiased individuals.

The best gift we can give our children is unprejudiced upbringing and equal opportunities. Little kids are impressionable. They are like sponge, taking in everything that parents teach or tell or do. We have to make sure that we are raising well-rounded, unbiased individuals. And eventually, this shall have far-reaching implications on the society at large.

Here’s an interesting article on Gender Stereotypes.

When the Going Gets Tough for New Mothers

This post was first published on Mom and Me - one stop shop for Moms and kids.

It was naïve of me, before and during pregnancy, to think what work really could be with a tiny tot. Everyone kept saying ‘once the baby arrives, you would be very busy’. I would be bewildered, trying to imagine changing nappies and feeding really should not be that much work. As I said, I was naïve!

Perhaps only a mother understands the fact truly well that motherhood can be overwhelming. I have been on my own, with some help from dear husband in the evenings and the weekends, since the time my baby completed 2 months. Right from giving him massage three times a day, giving him bath (very difficult initially) to feeding him every 2 hours, from walking him around to sleep to changing nappies, with the fact that my body had gone through the process of child birth not too long ago; overwhelming seemed an understatement.

At every stage you feel, may be it would be better when he grows up a little more, but really the challenges and the work increases. As my friend pointed out, “pregnancy was really like being in Kindergarten” when compared to what lies ahead. Challenges are galore but there is not another vocation which is as blissful and as important.

Here are few things to deal with those tough times:

This too shall pass: Colic, waking up every 2 hours during night, baby’s sleep problems, breastfeeding issues, your own sleep deprivation and worse, if somebody falls ill in the family; such times can be frustrating and full of anxiety. Always keep this in mind that no matter what the issue is at that moment, it will be sorted sooner or later. So keep your patience.

Babies grow up very fast: When problems such as the ones discussed above make you miserable, remember that babies grow up very fast. These problems look huge at that moment but later on you would regret if you did not handle it properly. You will regret losing your cool, because babies will soon grow up and you would only have memories of those times. So why not make them good!

Take whatever help is at hand without feeling guilty: Accept help from whichever quarter it is coming, husband, family, parents, in-laws, domestic help, etc. You will not be able to do everything yourself. It is harsh to expect so much from yourself. Decide what you must do, and delegate others. I knew, I wanted to handle all baby related work myself, so I hired a cook for cooking our meals. I can therefore focus on my child and with cooking work out of my way, I have the patience and energy to be on my toes with my baby.

One day at a time: Live in the moment and do not worry about the future. You can deal with one single day no matter how tough it is; can’t you? So just deal with one day at a time, and always think every mother goes through these things, and comes out wiser. Enjoy the experience.

Read the book ‘What Mothers Do: Especially When it LooksLike Nothing’ by Naomi Stadlen: As a new mother, did it happen to you too that when somebody asked what do you do the whole day, you would say nothing really? This book made me realize as a mother how much we really do as mothers. No matter what we are doing, we drop off and run towards our baby when we hear him crying. We forget about deep slumber and outing with friends. Right from bathing, giving massages, feeding at least 8-12 times during the day (which can be back breaking), changing nappies, taking for strolls and putting to sleep are just few basic things we do, apart from thinking about their well being and how to be a better mother all the time. If you can, do read the book. It will make you feel good about what you do!

Having said that, I must concede that motherhood is a tough job but it has the best incentives in the world. The joy of seeing your baby’s face light up on looking at you is unparalleled. The bond which you share with your baby is always the most special and pure.

Despite all the challenges a mother faces every single day, she would not like to have it any other way.

TV Blues

This was first published on Mom and Me - one stop shop for Moms and kids.

When we were kids, there were not many options as far as TV programmes were concerned. But I clearly remember when I would return from school, the time taken by me to finish my lunch would be directly proportional to the duration of the programme I was watching while having my lunch.

In the current scenario, with enough number of channels and umpteen numbers of programmes supposedly for kids, one can end up watching TV the entire day. I have other examples in my nephew and niece who don’t even bat their eyelids while watching TV!

Of course, there are arguments that kids learn a lot while watching these programmes, which they can very well do otherwise too. And the kids become so influenced by the cartoon or animated characters that slowly you get sucked into a whole world of kiddie merchandise and theme parties and well, what not!

Besides, being very addictive, I have another issue with TV programmes, sometimes they are full of pre-conceived notions and prejudices. Why should we condition the mind of our kids to think in a certain way or have certain opinions about say gender, race, etc. Our kids should have the opportunities to form their own opinions.

I also have strong objections to the kind of advertisements which are shown in between these so-called kid-programmes, junk food packaged in the form of multi-nutrient healthy snacks and milk supplements which promise to fulfill all nourishment required for kids, to name a few. Kids are shown making faces at veggies, which may be true in real life but I still find it mental conditioning of kids. Kids are influenced by their peer group. Moreover, many times certain ads are not even suitable for kids.

My baby is just 10 months old right now, and so far I have resisted the temptation to make him sit in front of TV and finish my chores. It is a vicious circle really. When my parents or in-laws are visiting, I am unable to stop them from switching on the TV but meal time is strictly no-TV time for my baby. No matter who is watching the TV at that time, it has to be switched off.

I have chosen to be a stay-at-home-mom and I think we, my baby and me, can both benefit by spending more time playing and doing activities together like singing, talking, etc. TV takes the attention away from kids and at such tender age, it can be hazardous too!

I know TV is great in moderation, everything is, but in a perfect world. I wouldn’t mind letting him watch Discovery channel or Animal Planet when he is older.

What are your views on TV?

Golmaal - one after another

What are your thoughts on Rohit Shetty's Golmaal series, Singham and now Bol Bachchan? I will admit, I liked his first Golmaal, I mean the movie. But he thought he has struck gold with a franchise. He blatantly copied a yesteryear movie called 'Aaj ki Taaza Khabar' starring Kiran Kumar and Asrani. I was surprised none of the reviews mentioned this. Anyways, the original with lesser known stars was much better. The third Golmaal bore a striking resemblence to a comedy serial 'Family No. 1' featuring Kanwaljeet Singh and Tanvi Aazmi. I gave second and third one amiss, only catching bits and pieces on the TV. But I saw enough to comment on those movies. Singham was way over the top for my taste and goes with the same formula which every actor in the running today is falling for. Put on a moustache, some gravity-defying stunts and throw in a coy heroine and some over-the-top dialogues, and you get a 100 crore movie. And the director starts feeling that he has arrived. I am most depressed by the trailors of this new movie called 'Bol Bachchan' conveniently starring Abhishek Bachchan alongwith Ajay Devgn and Amitabh Bachchan appearing in one song to give much needed push to Abhishek's career! The most depressing part is that it is supposed to be a remake of that Amol Palekar-Utpal Dutt classic 'Golmaal'! Ah, and I heard somebody is remaking that classic 'Chashm-e-baddoor' too. Why God? Why?

Puraane Paap

I remember one Diwali night, as usual we went out quite late for crackers etc. It must be around 3.5 years back. With rangoli inside and outside the house, diwali poojan, going to neighbours'place with mithai; it gets really late by the time we actually get time to relax. I have never been a fan of bursting crackers. It only amounts to wastage and pollution. Nevertheless, that particular Diwali I was accompanying my husband and some friends. We went to the far end of our society for some aatishbazi. After one of us fired a double sound or probably a chocolate bomb, a couple came out into their balcony in the building closest to us. They were really angry as they had been trying to put their baby to sleep but the baby started howling again because of the sound. And the time was well past midnight. At that time I clearly remember I was quite angry because I thought we should be free to do what we want to do. What can we do if their baby was not sleeping. It was their problem, not ours. Nevertheless, we left thereafter, with a lot of grumbling.
On this day, I know what it means to put a baby to sleep. And therefore, I take this opportunity to say a heartfelt sorry to that couple and their baby for my insensitivity. I often think about this incident when my son gives me a hard time while sleeping. Consider this a confession!

Setting an example for your children

I happened to catch the trailer of this new movie 'Ferrari ki Savari'. Sharman Joshi goes up to the traffic cop and asks him to give him challan for jumping the red light. The cop says but nobody saw you. Sharman says his son has seen him, and kids learn from their parents!
Ok this issue is close to my heart. I strongly believe in 'practise what you preach'. Especiall for kids, in this big world, parents are their first school and young minds are impressioned by what they imbibe from parents. So these days I am vey conscious of myself, always double checking on my behaviour and actions. The list is very very long. Right from disciplinary things like brushing twice daily and throwing garbage only in the bin, to behavioural ones like not bitching about people and things, appreciating little gestures and life's blessings, helping others, and I would also like to tone down the importance we give to materialistic things like bigge car is bette or new mobile or new gizmos, etc. The more gaga we ourselves will be towards gadgets, gizmos and shopping, the more attention and importance our children will give to these. 

Facebook addiction

I am one internet and Facebook addict. I am connected the whole day. I am neither interested in giving my updates, nor in minute-to-minute updates of others. Actually FB used to be a great medium to get the latest updates on things you are interested in like new books from different publishers, new activities for kids, new offers on websites you frequent, newsbites from publications you follow, new issues hitting the stands of your favourite periodicals, to name a few! But recently, I came to know that FB is going to charge these entities some amount so that their updates would be visible to those who follow them. That is going to be tricky. I don't think non-business entities are going to pay, and we will suffer. Now we will have to check out individual pages for updates I suppose. 

Ek baar jo maine commitment kar di

There are many things which I don't like about myself but there are a few things which I am quite proud of! It is the dedication with which I commit to things.

Till the time I finished my graduation, after having dropped the idea of doing fashion designing, I was not sure about what to do careerwise. I have always wanted to write but I wasn't too confident about it at that time. My brother suggested MBA and I quite liked the idea. I applied for many colleges because I had already dropped a year, since I did not appear for CAT during my final year. To cut the long story short, I dedicated myself to the preparation whole-heartedly. For the first time in my life, I even heard my mom tell me, you have been studying for too long, why don't you take a break! I got many interview calls and I took admission in the 2nd college I cleared. There wasn't time to wait to finish off all the calls and then decide. I have no regrets. It was a good college and I met my future husband there :-)I was obsessed about Advertising and in one of my first few posts on this blog, I have discussed in detail how I landed the only Advertising job I wanted, on campus.While I was working in Mumbai, my then boyfriend, now husband, was in Pune. I think Neeta travels should have offerred me annual membership discount for the number of times I travelled between the cities!I quit my job 1.5 years back, but all the time I spent in that Marketing Communication profile I did my best. I am sure my ex-bosses and ex-team members also felt the same way about my dedication. I would always be straight forward on what was possible and many times I pushed myself hard on meeting some difficult deadlines. Because the exhilaration of a job well done is something else. I always reveled in the glory of finishing my commitments successfully.I had been nudged covertly and overtly several times on when we wer planning to start a family. We were given examples of how couples were barely taking 9 months to produce offspring, we had taken way too long. As if they are going to take care of my kids! Anyways I was always clear, I want a baby only when I can offer him all my time. I was not going to compromise either on my job commitments or responsibilities towards my child. He deserves my attention and time. I quit from my job because I wanted people to remember me for the good work I had done, and not somebody who struggled to strike a balance and live every moment in guilt. I have my limitations. I can either be an excellent worker or a good mom, in my standards. I cannot be both with perfection. With due respect to all working moms, it is strictly my opinion and honest admission about my priorities, which are mental peace and perfection. In the last 1.5 years, I have never missed my job, neither have I regretted my decision. I do crave for a break once in a while but I am thankful to God that I have been given this opportunity to spend so much time with my baby. These moments are priceless.

Satyamev Jayate

For the nth time, I don't watch TV much. But I did catch Satyamev Jayate's first episode. I was very cynical about it, you know, somehow I still feel Amir Khan is eventually getting into politics! But that's not the point. The first episode was promising. An issue which public empathizes with, some statistics, some startling facts, crisp editing, peppered with emotions; the programme was good. I watched the second episode online as I was busy at the time. The issue was closer to my heart, Child Sexual Abuse.
I have read a book called Bitter Chocolate by Pinki Virani on the same subject. It is a difficult book to read but I recommend it to every parent. We need to confront the issue to address it. And most of all, we need to trust our instincts and our kids. They can tell a lot, through words and their behaviour, but we need to pay attention. Of course, we are busy all the time, but childhood is such a tender and precious time for children, we need to do everything possible that our kids should only have fond memories of those times. We owe it to them.
Coming back to the show. I don't know if it can change anything, atleast the presence of a celebrity like Amir Khan definitely provides these issues attention. Any positive change is a step forward, so we shoukd stop criticising just for the heck of it!

Upbringing

I was never the one too much into kids. I never thought much about parenting either, until it fell upon myself. After having baby, I started to have some strong opinions about things, instinctively.  I am a strong believer in leading by example so I try my best to correct the thins within myself, which I want my baby to imbibe. He still may not, but kids often idolise their parnts because tey do not have any other reference point in the beginning. They look upto their parents. So if I have to inculcate good habits in him, I need to practise those myself. And I am all for it.
Secondly, I do not want my baby to grow up with certain traditional prejudices like girls do certain things and boys do certain things. Our upbringing has been conditioned in that way, sometimes my thinking is also clouded by such prejudices but I quickly correct myself. For example, I don't believe in pink being a girlie colour and blue being a colour for boys, or say girls play with kitchen stuff and boys with guns or cars; you get the drift?
I have always said enough number of times and on enough platforms that TV does more harm than good, to kids as well as to us. If ther was no TV, we would be spending more time together as a family should, doing things together. TV just eats up all the attention and time. Kids will grow up anyways but we will lose wonderful opportunities to bond together. Because bonding happens gradually, not one fine day!
P.S. I am yet to get a keyboard for my Tab, until then please bear with typo errors. It is difficult to type an entire post on touch screen, in fact, I blame it for not posting often enough!

Full time babysitting and First Birthday dilemma

I am back after what looks like ages, but frankly I was always around, never got onto writing anything here though!
The other day I realised I have been home since last 1.5 years. My blogs don't reflect much activity though. As all parents of babies / infants / toddlers would empathise, being the primary caregiver of one, single-handedly for most of the time, is one of the toughest jobs in the world; definitely 100 times tougher than anything that I did in my 5.5 years of corporate job!
As my husband pointed out the other day, our lives did not change much when we got married, but after having baby, we can barely recognise our earlier life! In short, it is very, very tough, overwhelming and sometimes I break down too with sheer helplessness but make no mistake I wouldn't have it any other way. The little bundle of joy, which sure he is, makes it all worth it.
But I do miss a break sometimes. Imagine being with an infant 24X7, who needs constant attention otherwise he might get hurt, you need to be on your toes all the time. So I don't even get to read all the amazing books I keep buying. Whateve time I get even now, I end up reading parenting articles on my Tab. Ah mothers! they just want to do their best because creating an individual is a big responsibility, and as they say childhood is like clay, you need to be careful because the imprints will remain forever.
My life pretty much is on hold, I hate to admit, but yes. Of late, the exertion has also made me unwell and I am sort of recuperating at my parent's place. After much investigation, I was found deficient in Vitamin D.
Meanwhile, I am also thinking about the little one's first birthday. I have evry intention to not celebrate it because I think it is stressful for infants. I have not found any kid enjoying his or her first birthday. Period. It is more for the parents than for the kid! I want to give my baby sime nature experience because a. I think he enjoys looking at birds, trees, skym etc, and b. kids generally enjoy nature. So I am just exploring some options. Good thing is hubby is not too hung up on first birthday party too.
I think from 2nd birthday onwards, kids start enjoying the party and friends. Right now, we should just avoid. I am looking for ideas at the moment for some nature experience. I am open for 2 day trip too. In any case, we haven't been out and about for 2 years now, not counting the trips to both sets of parents. 

Is my husband too naïve or am I too cynical?

I read this article and immediately rushed to my husband who was in the living room. To my horror, I realized I had been sitting hooked to our desktop computer for last couple of minutes reading article after article; while my husband was sprawled on the sofa holding his laptop and the Tab was lying on the carpet (also switched on). What has become of us! Is technology taking over our lives? I am not a phone person but I am a big time internet person. I love surfing, and I spend hours on the net!

Coming back to the article, if you don’t want to or have time to read the article; It is about how not to give in to the peer pressure in providing your children with the latest gadgets. It says the children are going to do exactly what they see you doing, irrespective of what you teach them.

The scene, which I described a little while ago, was a reality check for us. Here we are completely besotted with all sorts of gadgets, so much that they are almost taking over our lives and playing havoc with our attention span; and on the other side, we fear the day when our baby will start asking for gadgets because he would find his parents using one or the other all the time!

I briefed my husband about this article and asked him how are we going to handle such situation. Now just pay attention to what he said. He said we will make it a point to meet up with the parents of our kid’s buddies and we would mutually decide not to give such gadgets like mobile phones, Playstations and Ipods. I asked him, “and why do you think they would go with your plan?” He said, “because they would understand it is not good for the kids”.

Theoretically, we all know children do not need these gadgets so soon, but even we don’t, theoretically! And yet we spend so much time on one or the other! When I was a kid, I can clearly remember two such occasions, where I created a scene right at the shop to make my parents buy stuff for me. They also would not have thought of those things (one was a toy phone and another were skates). May be those things weren’t such which could impact my life so much, but giving mobile phones and Playstations are big decisions.

My husband said, “we would go to other parents’ place and discuss with them about the impact of such gadgets on children, and I’m sure they would understand our point, like we would if somebody else explained to us the same things”. I said, “you could assume that because you are already open to the idea. There’s no convincing involved here”. Other parents might have different ideas on what is good for their children". To which he said, “our kid would obviously gel with like-minded kids, who would not be very different from him, and whose parents would obviously be like them.” So you see, my husband thinks the world is a nice place where everything fits perfectly.

Then he said, “don’t be so paranoid. These newspapers, articles and programmes focus on extreme cases. Look around and tell me one such kid who is spoilt.” And like always he had a point. Then I thought may be I was getting too unreasonable. Kids are smarter these days.

Then, I asked my husband, since we already have PS2 and PS3, what is he going to do about those? “You can’t expect our kid not to play on the Playstations”. And surprise, surprise, he said he would tell him not to! That takes me back to my childhood. The more my mum told me not to have tea, I became obsessed about it, and I still am! You can’t be playing on them yourself, and expect your child not to; may be you can fix a time for it, may be allow him only when he plays outdoors. I don’t want my kid to play football with joysticks; he better goes outside and enjoys the game as it should be!

Aah! Life was so much simpler earlier. If anybody has any suggestions on these parenting issues, they are most welcome; and I apologize to keep ranting about parenting. I can’t help it; it is the only thing which I can talk about right now.